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Anonymous Posted 15 years ago
Grammar
Tense about Tense
Someone corrected version 1 of my material with version 2. Somehow it doesn't seem right to me (though I understand the logic behind the correction)…would love a third opinion (to set my mind at ease).
Version 1:
Each person stood like a pillar, shoulders pulled toward their ears, mentally blocking out the nagging chill in the wind. Watching them, Frank wondered if the group had it in them, at any time, to huddle for protection against the cold. It wasn’t like the bus stop had a shelter; it was just an aluminum pole (next to a bench) with a sign listing the bus routes stopping at that location. Though his notion was awkward, Frank was sure that if everyone’s lives depended on it, they still wouldn’t huddle. Paramedics would find them keeled over in separate directions, a few feet from each other, frozen stiff. Winters in Atlanta were cold but they didn't sting like the ones up north, nor did they last as long. Temperatures dropped to uncomfortable levels, but hardly below freezing and for this reason, Frank knew that the extreme weather conditions he envisioned wiping out his gang of bus riders would never happen. They could still afford to be loners.
Version 2:
Each person stood like a pillar, shoulders pulled toward their ears, mentally blocking out the nagging chill in the wind. Watching them, Frank wondered if the group had it in them, at any time, to huddle for protection against the cold. It wasn’t like the bus stop had a shelter; it was just an aluminum pole (next to a bench) with a sign listing the bus routes stopping at that location. Though his notion was awkward, Frank was sure that if everyone’s lives depended on it, they still wouldn’t huddle. Paramedics would find them keeled over in separate directions, a few feet from each other, frozen stiff. Winters in Atlanta are cold but they don't sting like the ones up north, nor do they last as long. Temperatures dropped to uncomfortable levels, but hardly below freezing and for this reason, Frank knew that the extreme weather conditions he envisioned wiping out his gang of bus riders would never happen. They could still afford to be loners.
Version 1:
Each person stood like a pillar, shoulders pulled toward their ears, mentally blocking out the nagging chill in the wind. Watching them, Frank wondered if the group had it in them, at any time, to huddle for protection against the cold. It wasn’t like the bus stop had a shelter; it was just an aluminum pole (next to a bench) with a sign listing the bus routes stopping at that location. Though his notion was awkward, Frank was sure that if everyone’s lives depended on it, they still wouldn’t huddle. Paramedics would find them keeled over in separate directions, a few feet from each other, frozen stiff. Winters in Atlanta were cold but they didn't sting like the ones up north, nor did they last as long. Temperatures dropped to uncomfortable levels, but hardly below freezing and for this reason, Frank knew that the extreme weather conditions he envisioned wiping out his gang of bus riders would never happen. They could still afford to be loners.
Version 2:
Each person stood like a pillar, shoulders pulled toward their ears, mentally blocking out the nagging chill in the wind. Watching them, Frank wondered if the group had it in them, at any time, to huddle for protection against the cold. It wasn’t like the bus stop had a shelter; it was just an aluminum pole (next to a bench) with a sign listing the bus routes stopping at that location. Though his notion was awkward, Frank was sure that if everyone’s lives depended on it, they still wouldn’t huddle. Paramedics would find them keeled over in separate directions, a few feet from each other, frozen stiff. Winters in Atlanta are cold but they don't sting like the ones up north, nor do they last as long. Temperatures dropped to uncomfortable levels, but hardly below freezing and for this reason, Frank knew that the extreme weather conditions he envisioned wiping out his gang of bus riders would never happen. They could still afford to be loners.
Top answer
I understand the thought process behind both versions. I assume this is part or a much larger story. The second version is grammatically correct, however as part of a story that tells about this person being in Atlanta in the past, and trying to put this experience (in text) across then the first is preferable to me.
- I understand the thought process behind both versions.
- I assume this is part or a much larger story.
- The second version is grammatically correct, however as part of a story that tells about this person being in Atlanta in the past, and trying to put this experience (in text) across then the first is preferable to me.
- If the story doesn't mention his experience in Altanta then the second os better.
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1 Answers
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I understand the thought process behind both versions. I assume this is part or a much larger story.
The second version is grammatically correct, however as part of a story that tells about this person being in Atlanta in the past, and trying to put this experience (in text) across then the first is preferable to me. If the story doesn't mention his experience in Altanta then the second
The second version is grammatically correct, however as part of a story that tells about this person being in Atlanta in the past, and trying to put this experience (in text) across then the first is preferable to me. If the story doesn't mention his experience in Altanta then the second
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