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Daisy DoPosted 2 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Teacher, please mark my writing

Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important.

Answereople think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important.


Answer

There is a widespread idea where children should be taught to be more and more competitive, while others believe that cooperation and team working are more pivotal to focus on. This essay will discuss both ideas and state my opinion.


On the one hand, numerous individuals suppose that children should be taught as competitive students. Educating in a competitive environment can instill in students a sense of motivation, which can enhance their diligence as well as their performance. To be more competitive is also crucial for their future life due to the fostering of independence and determination. For instance, students who won some prizes praised by their peers and parents will be more facilitated to accomplish, to compete and to be more successful in life.

 

On the other hand, many educationists believe that cooperation and team working are more beneficial for children. Teaching students to be able to cooperate in a group may accumulate their soft skills and strengthen their bonds with others. The process they discuss in a group may foster a sense of intimacy, solidarity and establish their ability to acclimatize for diverse difficulties in the future. To be more specific, mentally ill children, namely depression, anxiety, ect.. will be more open-minded and can communicate better when sharing their ideas in groups as feeling of helpfulness and intimacy diminish their condition.


In conclusion, although many think that children should be taught to be more and more competitive, others believe that cooperation and team working are more beneficial. I suppose that students should have both skills, the harmonization of both will lay a solid foundation for their better growth. 



  

Top answer

I have some experience in writing English, so here's my feedback for you: Feedback: Intro: "Idea where" is awkward; try "belief that". "Pivotal to focus on" could be smoother. Para 1: "As competitive students" is incorrect; say "to be competitive".

  • I have some experience in writing English, so here's my feedback for you: Feedback: Intro: "Idea where" is awkward; try "belief that".
  • "Pivotal to focus on" could be smoother.
  • Para 1: "As competitive students" is incorrect; say "to be competitive".
  • The example is a bit wordy.
  • Para 2: "Acclimatize for diverse difficulties" is unusual.
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1 Answers
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I have some experience in writing English, so here's my feedback for you:

Feedback:

  • Intro: "Idea where" is awkward; try "belief that". "Pivotal to focus on" could be smoother.
  • Para 1: "As competitive students" is incorrect; say "to be competitive". The example is a bit wordy.
  • Para 2: "Acclimatiz

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