Teacher please help me correct my IELTS essay

TOPIC: It is often considered that change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do you think the advantages of the change outweigh the disadvantages?

In many stages of life, we are stuck between the decisions to convert ourselves or remain unchangeable. I take the view that the advantages of life-shifting outstrip the disadvantages.

It is generally acknowledged that the negative effect of change is inevitable. To begin with, it is reasonable to hold the doubt on the future prospect which the alteration brings out. Many questions are posed whether the result will be better or worse, which means that investment in converting is extremely risky. Furthermore, when making decision to moving from routine path, it engenders impacts not only on your own life, but also the surrounding people’s. Each individual is one link in the social chain, a subtle personal modification probably exerts influence on the others, especially family members, friends, colleagues.

Despite above considerations, I am totally convinced that change offers more good than bad. Firstly, it broadens decision-makers’ horizon and gives them the chance to undergo life-time experience. Unless people step out of their comfort zone, they would never be aware of how stunning the world is. Secondly, being different is not only the process of discovering the world but also the journey to reveal our ego. Going around in daily life’s circle with repetitive activities lead to people’s satisfaction with the long-lasting version of themselves, which make the hidden corner lying at the bottom be deactivated as a consequence. Finally, alteration is regarded as the sole choice in this up-to-second society. In the era which will immediately leave you behind if you stand still even only for a while, it is necessary to update yourself to adapt the environment.

In conclusion, life-sifting has its own benefits and drawbacks. However, I hold the belief that in this fast-paced society, it is no longer a selection, but a vital skill to survive.