Teacher could you please help me correct my IELTS essay

TOPIC: More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve the problem?

Associated with environment pollution, the increasing number of wild animals on the brink of extinction has become alarming as never before. This essay will discuss several causes and suggest some solutions to tackle this problem.

There are several reasons for this issue. To begin with, human activities are worth mentioning as the first and foremost component accounting for prolonging endangered list. It cannot be denied that with the booming development of industry, illegal hunt for the purpose of economy and commerce has been pushing wild animals to the limit. Futhermore, environmental problem which partly stems from human activities must also be responsible for the disappearance of a variety of species. Air and water pollution turned the natural habitat into an insecure and deprived place for creatures to survive. Additionally, shrinking natural area due to forest fire and deforestation restrict living space of them. Last but not least, natural disasters such as drought, flood and earthquake bring the death of significant amount of wild species each year.

Followed these above causes, measures to tackle this problem are presented below. There is no doubt that human impact is the key factor which contributes to make the situation worse. Therefore, raising awareness of people is the wisest and most sustainable solution in this urgent circumstance. For example, in order to conveying the message of saving animals from being killed for their furs to meet the demand of fashion industry, the campaign should be launched to encourage people to use artificial-furred products. Besides, it is accountable for government to take measures to protect wild animal from dying out. The laws must be introduced and the policies must be applied to prevent illegal actions.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are several reasons resulting in the expansion of endangered list. However, it is my firm conviction that if steps are implemented efficiently, our globe still remains a safe and worth-living place for both human and creatures.