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Jobb Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Taxi
Do you think the writing below is: 1) Fine; 2) So-so; 3) Not very bad.
We took a taxi to Nankai University from Tianjin West Railway Station, a journey that would take us about twenty to thirty minutes. The taxi driver, a middle-aged man with a rugged complexion and expressive features, was very friendly and helpful. He had a real big voice, chatting with us constantly in typical Tianjin dialect as he drove along. We talked to him a bit about Mr. Chern, which brought an immediate response from him: “I’ve heard of him, a great mathematician, absolutely incredible! Anyone in Tianjin with a bit of common sense would have surely heard of him. What a great talent! ” The driver kept talking with an air of pride, looking around out of the car from time to time, and searching for a flower shop along the street. He meant to drop us for a bouquet of flowers to be presented to Mr. Chern.
We took a taxi to Nankai University from Tianjin West Railway Station, a journey that would take us about twenty to thirty minutes. The taxi driver, a middle-aged man with a rugged complexion and expressive features, was very friendly and helpful. He had a real big voice, chatting with us constantly in typical Tianjin dialect as he drove along. We talked to him a bit about Mr. Chern, which brought an immediate response from him: “I’ve heard of him, a great mathematician, absolutely incredible! Anyone in Tianjin with a bit of common sense would have surely heard of him. What a great talent! ” The driver kept talking with an air of pride, looking around out of the car from time to time, and searching for a flower shop along the street. He meant to drop us for a bouquet of flowers to be presented to Mr. Chern.
Top answer
This paragraph is coming along nicely, Jobb. I would call it 'fine'. I would also eliminate one of the two 'take' verbs in the first sentence, change 'real big', and adjust a couple of pronouns.
- This paragraph is coming along nicely, Jobb.
- I would call it 'fine'.
- I would also eliminate one of the two 'take' verbs in the first sentence, change 'real big', and adjust a couple of pronouns.
- PS: I think I'll move this over to Writing World Forum, too.
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2 Answers
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This paragraph is coming along nicely, Jobb. I would call it 'fine'.
I would also eliminate one of the two 'take' verbs in the first sentence, change 'real big', and adjust a couple of pronouns.
PS: I think I'll move this over to Writing World Forum, too.
I would also eliminate one of the two 'take' verbs in the first sentence, change 'real big', and adjust a couple of pronouns.
PS: I think I'll move this over to Writing World Forum, too.
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I would agree with MrM.
You might want to look at this sentence again, Jobb – it doesn't quite work:
'He meant to drop us for a bouquet of flowers to be presented to Mr. Chern.'
MrP
You might want to look at this sentence again, Jobb – it doesn't quite work:
'He meant to drop us for a bouquet of flowers to be presented to Mr. Chern.'
MrP
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