Tautology

Question

I used the underlined wordings to avoid tautology.
Could you tell me whether the following sentence is fine?
Thank you.

As a result, unemployment brings about the consequence that people can buy a fewer and fewer products because of their incomes and then it affects the entire market to contract.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The sentence is grammatical, but it is rather awkwardly stated.

Dimsumexpress · Answer

Hi lucas21c,
I follow your posts and this is my opinion. I think you basically have no major issues in your writing. You practice proper capitalization, punctuation rules, and use good grammar. The problem that I've observed is that when you have a single thought or idea, you can express it nicely. But when you have a string of thoughts that you want put into concepts, you have a tendency to get wordy and awkward. I think from this point, your written skill development is pretty much relying on your own. What I mean is, we can only help you correct your posts. I believe what you lack of now is the ability to tell what is natural and how to improve fluency. I would say it is easy and It is a big step. But I think you can do it. The future progress in content fluency and coherence, in my opinion, will come from increased exposures in reading and listening to materials by recognized media. That's how learners develop natural speech patterns and word construction. Your sentence can be refined into something like this:

lucas21cAs a result, unemployment brings about the consequence that people can buy a fewer and fewer products because of their incomes and then it affects the entire market to contract.

Subsequently, the persistent unemployment figures offer people, employed or otherwise, little confidence nor the desire to spend beyond their basic needs. In turn, the consumer market / economy contracts.

Lucas21c · Answer

Thank you for your comments, Alphecca Stars. Also, thank you for your comments, disumexpress.
As to the points that disumexpress pointed out, I totally agree with it except that it would be easy for me to improve.

Again, thank you for your advice and encouragement.

Tautology

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