Task1 - could you please give me some comments about this task 1

Question

The line graph compares the percentage of changing patterns of domestic access to modern technological devices in families in the UK

Overall, the period could be divided into two parts: before and after 1998. As regards the first, there were 3modern devices used: CD player, home computer and mobile phone. From early 1999, internet was accessed to British homes.

There was nearly 20% in percentage of household using mobile phone in the first period, before gradually increasing to 25% on 1998. Likewise, home computer use and CD use were steady rise from 25% to 30% and from 65% to 65% respectively

During last four year, internet was provided at the first time and then was up over 4 years, rising gradually from 10% to 25% until 2003. Furthermore, there were steady increase in CD player and mobile phone also. In 2003, the percentage of CD use in homes in the UK reached a peak of 82%. Whilst ,the trend for mobile phone was significant fluctuation, then the figure accounted in that stood at 65% at the end of period.

Thank you so much and have a good day!

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line graph compares the ~~percentage of~~ changing patterns (There are no "percentage of patterns" on this graph.) of domestic access to modern technological devices in families (??) in the UK (missing punctuation)

Overall, the period could be divided into two parts: before and after 1998. (You have not sp

Overall, the period could be divided into two parts: before and after 1998. (You have not specified the time range of the graph, so this statement has no overall context.) ~~As regards~~ In the first, there were 3modern devices used: CD player, home computer and mobile phone. From early 1999, internet was accessed (wrong word) to British (wrong word) homes.

There was nearly 20% ~~in percentage~~ (The symbol "%" mean percentage. It is wrong to add "in percentage" after this symbol.) of household (wrong form) using mobile phone (wrong form) in the first period, before gradually increasing to 25% on (wrong word) 1998. Likewise, home computer use and CD use were steady (wrong form) rise (wrong form ) from 25% to 30% and from 65% to 65% respectively (missing punctuation)

During last four year, (wrong form) internet was provided at (wrong word) the first time ( "the first time" refers to a specific date. It cannot be used with a time range such as "four years") and then was up over 4 years, rising gradually from 10% to 25% until 2003. Furthermore, there were steady increase (wrong form) in CD player and mobile phone (missing word) also. In 2003, the percentage of CD use in homes in the UK reached a peak (wrong word) of 82%. Whilst ,the trend for mobile phone was significant fluctuation, (wrong word) then the figure (wrong word) accounted in that (wrong phrase) stood at 65% at the end of (missing word) period. (You never said what the "end of the period" was.)

Vocabulary words:

1. Fluctuation

You will rarely see "fluctuations" in an IELTS line graph. You might see "(minor) variations"

Here is what "fluctuation" looks like:

2. Peak

A peak is a high point, or maximum value reached for a curve. You must see both the increasing and decreasing sides of the peak. For example, this graph shows two peaks in the price of gold - 1980 and 2011. If the line ends at a high value, you cannot describe it as a "peak" because you don't know what will come afterwards.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

To improve your score, compute the rates of growth of the usage of or access to these technologies. All the lines on this particular graph fit a LINEAR curve quite well, so the average rate of growth can be compared.

Growth rate of CD Player usage: = (82%-59%)/6 years = 3.8% per year
Growth rate of Mobile phone access: = (68%-17%)/6 years = 8.5% per year
Growth rate of Home computer usage: = (58%-27%)/6 years = 5.1% per year
Growth rate of Internet accessibility: = (43%-10%)/ 4 years = 8.3% per year

The growth rate of the mobile phone and Internet access were about the same over the period (8.5% and 8.3% respectively), and significantly higher than those of the other two devices (5.1% for home computers and 3.8% for CD players). The growth of mobile phone access varied the most from a best fit linear curve, but these were fairly minor variations.

See the "best fit" lines superimposed on the graph.

Task1 - could you please give me some comments about this task 1

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