Task1, bar graph

Question

Hi,Could you please check the following report?You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows how people travelled to work in 1996 and 2001.____________________________________________________________The data is presented in the form of a bar chart regarding how citizens commuted to work in Grahamston. The graph compares different modes of transport in two separate years: 1996 and 2001. Overall, all the modes experienced a change during the period, albeit to varying degrees, and except "car or truck", the other means clustered almost below 10 percent.As can be seen, it was driving a car or truck that enjoyed the greatest popularity in both years. The figure stood at approximately 55% in 1996 before a rise of around 10 percent in 2001.In 1996, bicycling had become the least popular mode in the list with almost 3%. By contrast, pedestrians accounted for the smallest group in 2001 with roughly the same percent.A more detailed look at the chart reveals that the most significant decline occurred in the use of private passenger vehicle with half the percentage in 2001 as in 1996.

Poster · Accepted Answer

Persian LearnerThe data is presented in the form of a bar chart

This phrase is used when discussing how the data is presented. Here all we need is to know what it is. The bar chart shows ...

Persian Learnercitizens

Workers are not necessarily citizens: some may be temporary immigrants, or seasonal workers.

Persian LearnerThe graph

A bar chart is a chart, not a graph.

There should probably be an extra sentence in the introduction: something like:

The data shows six modes of transport, walking, cycling, public transport, driving,being a passenger in a private car, and the final category, 'other', which includes ferry, aeroplane, and taxi.

It is usually a good idea to mention all the labels on the chart at least once; otherwise the task achievement may be seen as incomplete.

Persian LearnerOverall

Make the overview a separate paragraph. The examiner is looking for the overview.

The report must present "a clear overview of main trends, differences or stages". So the main trends are: (1) There was an increase in the percentage of people driving or cycling to work, or working at home. All the other categories decreased. (2) Most people commuted by car or truck in both years.

Persian LearnerAs can be seen,

Redundant phrase: the reader may not have the diagram itself.

Persian Learnerenjoyed the greatest popularity

Making the unwarranted assumption that people enjoyed their commute, or that it was popular. Needs something dry and more objective: commuting by car or truck accounted for well over half the journeys.

Persian LearnerThe figure stood at approximately 55% in 1996 before a rise of around 10 percent in 2001.

"The figure" is questionable. Try practicing with adverbial gerunds, something like:

In 1996, the percentage of people driving to work was around 55%, rising to over 66% in 2001.

Persian Learner with almost 3%

at almost three per cent.

Persian Learnerpedestrians

This would refer to walkers in general as opposed to other road-users. We need wording to refer only to those walking to work, not to school or the local pub: those walking to work.

Persian LearnerA more detailed look at the chart reveals that

Redundant.

Persian Learnerin the use of private passenger vehicle

vehicles: but the decline is in the percentage of those commuting as passengers in private vehicles, not the vehicles themselves. That is, fewer people got to work by being picked up and dropped off by someone else.

Persian Learner with half the percentage in 2001 as in 1996.

... compared to 1996.

The 'other' category was not mentioned in detail; nor was 'public transport'. It is a good idea to mention every category at least once.

The percentages for using public transport, walking, and being a passenger in a private vehicle all showed marked declines, whereas the percentage using modes categorized as 'other' showed little change.

This extra description will bring the word count back over 150.

Task1, bar graph

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