Task 2: please help me with this essay. Thank you.

Please help me with this essay. Thank you.

Some people believe famous people’s support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

My essay:

Celebrities usually take part in charitable work as their contributions to society. while some people see various positive impacts of this, other opponents believe that the importance of those problems would be reduced due to famous people's participation.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why the support from public figures is thought to devalue the problems' seriousness. Firstly, with a view to enhance their public figures, well-known people endeavour to participate in as many voluntary and social activities as possible without truly concern. Consequently, those activities do not attract any attention from the general public. Secondly, it is claimed that when there is any involvement of celebrities, people's concern is shifted away toward those famous people about how they do the work or what they think about doing volunteer work, no what they do. Therefore, aid organisations do no gain the initial aim to popularize charitable activities to the public.
On the other hand, it is true that the association between public figures and international aid organisations could arouse public concern toward those meaningful activities. To begin with, celebrities have great influence on the public especially their impressionable fans, which encourages them to contribute to charitable projects as idols do. For instance, as a worldwide famous boy band, BTS's association with UNICEF giving the message to protect children from violence has raised people's awareness towards this problem, raising a huge amount of fund to help these children. Moreover, local and international people tend to put credit on the public figures and consider them as role model to follow. Therefore, they will easily trust those charitable organisations and donate money without doubt.
In conclusion, even though the endorsement of well-known people of voluntary activities can make the problems less important, I believe that their support would stimulate individuals to engage in social activities