Task 2: It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaur, dodo…) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Question

Opinions are divided as to whether the extinction of several animal species is inevitable or it could be otherwise hampered and stopped by humans’ endeavours. While I am convinced that the former point of view is reasonable, I also believe in the latter one as my essay will elaborate on both.

On the one hand, it is undoubted that some animals starting to disappear from the Earth were just part of a natural process as it is virtually impossible to bring a halt to their destruction. A perfect illustration of this point can be inferred from the dinosaur. The extinction commenced such a long time ago as meteors crashed our planet and completely eradicated all relevant species at that time. From my perspective, humans could do nothing to change the disastrous result; however, this led to the domination of human beings in the contemporary world. Therefore, we are the ones who benefit directly from this such catastrophe and I assume we have no reason to affect decisions from the nature itself. To add further credence to my assertion, it is common to have some old species replaced by new kinds of animals as the natural evolution is endless.

On the other hand, my viewpoint is that humans should make strenuous efforts in order to discontinue or at least delay the devastating process. As far as I am concerned, bio-diversity is something which deserves our consideration. By protecting these kinds of endangered species, we do make attempts and endeavours to flourish our environment as the number of animals remains unchanged, which certainly does not bring imbalance to wild habitats. For example, Indonesia has been well-known for its celebrated safari which is regarded as the best place to bring utmost security to animals on the verge of extinction such as the white tiger, the rhino, etc. From my perception, scientist and environmentalists of this nation acknowledge huge benefits accruing from this reservation as these animals prove valuable to scientific researches and the stability of bio-diversity as well as the eco-system.

In conclusion, this still remains a controversial topic. While I hold my viewpoint that the natural extinction is nearly unfeasible to manage, I am still convinced that we as humans do play an integral part in protection and therefore have an obligation to keep the intact nature of the animal world.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

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Topic:

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaur, dodo…) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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AlpheccaStars · Answer

Opinions are divided (The task does not have two opinions. See comments below.) as to whether the extinction of ~~several~~ animal and plant species is inevitable or it could be otherwise hampered and stopped by our ~~humans’~~ endeavours. While I am convinced that the former point of view is reasonable, I also believe in the latter one ~~as my essay will elaborate on both~~.

Here is the essay prompt:

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

And here is your answer:

While I am convinced that the former point of view is reasonable, I also believe in the latter one

That is not a good answer, is it?

I cannot make out your position - you did not say if you agreed or disagreed.
Your task response is quite bad.

You have to answer the prompt and you will need an adverb of extent. This answer will form your thesis statement.

For example:
1. I completely agree because extinction is a natural process of evolution, and there is nothing we can do about it.

2. I totally disagree. Although extinction is a natural process, most extinctions right now are occurring because of human activities which we can control.

3. I somewhat agree. Although there are some extinctions which are inevitable, we can certainly take actions to save some of the most endangered species.

After your thesis statement, write two body paragraphs. Each paragraph has one major argument supporting your position.

Never mention your essay. The examiner knows you are writing an essay. Don't tell them that this is what you are doing!

This is not a "discuss both views" essay. Be sure to learn how to respond correctly to all the essay types. You wrote as if there were two views. In the task instructions, there is only one view.

Next, your essay is nearly 400 words long. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write around 270-290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.

Revise your essay based on this feedback and post your revision in this thread.

Task 2: It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaur, dodo…) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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