Task 2 IELTS writing - please give me some feedback

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People and governments have different views about whether economic or other different progresses are the leading contributors to a nation’s development. Personally, I believe that they both have the same significant impact on the country.

On the one hand, the economy is undoubtedly the main concern of not only governments but also the citizens because it helps the country thrive in multiple ways. If employees are provided with employment opportunities, they will make an effort to contribute to economic progress. Therefore, governments need to invest massively in large corporations to offer jobs for all citizens and then make profits from their hard work. Additionally, governments need to have a certain extent of concern for tourism which is also a major factor that helps the nation receive revenues. For example, local and international tourists visiting tourist attractions of the country can buy souvenirs or pay for entrance tickets and the money gained can increase the development of the country.

On the other hand, governments need to pay equal attention to other kinds of development such as well-being, education or environmental protection. First, a large number of hospitals need to be set up and doctors, nurses need to be trained carefully to improve the health of all citizens. Second, schools or other educational systems must be equipped with full facilities because these are where students acquire knowledge and practical skills which can be applied for their future career. Finally, due to the detrimental impacts that pollution has on people’s day-to-day lives, there should be a coordinated effort between the governments and citizens to address the environmental-related issues.

In conclusion, I believe that economic development or other types of progress play an equally pivotal role in the nation and they all together contribute to the betterment of the country.