Task 2 IELTS writing - please give me some feedback

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In today's world, technological innovations assist people in working and studying at home. Personally, while I believe there are some drawbacks to this trend, the benefits are far more significant.

Admittedly, people have to face several challenges when being exposed to technology. Spending hours on end fixating on the computer screen can take a toll on people's health. In other words, people tend to be less physically active when using the digital devices to work or study; as a result, they may suffer from cardiovascular disease or obesity. Besides, when people are at home communicating with their colleagues or friends via the Internet, they are gradually familiar with that and forget about having in-person meetings. Consequently, the pivotal role of real interactions among people is put aside and their relationship can be negatively affected.

Nevertheless, technology provides people with numerous advantages when it comes to work and study. Firstly, workers can save time and effort by using online platforms. For example, instead of taking long hours to travel to the office which far from their their home, adults can utilise Skype to hold meetings or have conversation with their boss or co-workers. Additionally, students can have access to a wide range of academic materials which are available on the Internet. For instance, they can look for hardware books or multiple reliable sources about subjects such as Math or Literature and obtain valuable knowledge even when they are at home.

In conclusion, although the ever-increasing development of technology may deter people from interacting and being healthy, it can bring more benefits for people in the future.