Task 2 IELTS writing - please give me some feedback

It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

In today’s world, it is believed that state budget should be spent more on encouraging people to live healthily rather than on the treatment of patients. However, I completely disagree with this view because they are both necessary to have financial funding in equal share.

On the one hand, governments need to pay for policies or projects to enhance a healthy lifestyle. First of all, public health campaigns should be invested to raise people’s awareness about a number of far-reaching consequences of sedentary lifestyle. In other words, if citizens are aware of being physically active in their day-to-day lives, there would be less likelihood of suffering severe diseases. Another way the government can spend money on is a balanced diet for people. For example, they can provide green options such as vegetables or fruits at an affordable price to promote a higher intake of these nutritional foods.

On the other hand, patients who suffer from various illnesses also need money for their treating days in hospitals. Healthcare facilities such as hospitals or health clinics need to be renovated on a monthly basis to facilitate ill people. If they are in good condition, they can recover as quickly as possible. Besides, governments should invest in importing cutting-edge technological devices which play a vital role in the treatment progress. For instance, if modern instruments are used in surgery, there would be a higher rate of successful surgical cases.

In conclusion, while the promotion of healthy habits by education or healthy food’s advocation need to be spent a remarkable amount of money on, I believe governments should pay an equal budget for medical services in hospitals for the better recovery of patients.