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Selie Dang Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Task 2 - Environment. Thanks for your feedback in advance.

Task 2 - Environment

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment.
What can individuals and governments do to address the problems?

It is apparent that the environment has undergone gradual deterioration. Humans, among the determinants, are to blame for exacerbating an enormous number of problems. However, governments and individuals can still find viable remedies to those issues.

There are several threats humans have caused to the environment, for which biodiversity loss and climate change are two examples. The imbalance of the ecosystem can be attributed to illegal poaching or flesh-eating, which is still rampant worldwide. Because humans and other species have an inextricable relationship, putting nature in jeopardy is synonymous with risking the existence of humans. Regarding the latter issue, personal vehicles release massive exhaust emissions on a daily basis, leading to not only air contamination but also the globally rising temperature. Studies have shown that boiling weather makes the mortality rate reach thousands every summer in India, an equatorial nation.

Joint attempts from both the officials and nationals are required to mitigate those detrimental consequences. Concerning the former problem, as can be learned from the fatal pandemic named Covid-19, humans should refrain from consuming unprocessed wild species. Governments can also impose heavier monetary punishments on any act of hunting. As for the issue associated with carbon footprint, if the fees for public transports decrease, the masses will be more inclined to shifting away from using private vehicles. They should simultaneously gravitate towards sustainable sources of energy by using solar cars or electricity-powered bikes for the sake of ambiance.

In conclusion, humans have been catastrophically aggravating the situation by destroying natural habitats and polluting the air. Nevertheless, governments and individuals can corporate in combatting those problems by putting an end to abusing animals alongside fostering renewable power.

Word count: 275 words


Please take a look and give me some comments. Thank you.

  

Top answer

It is apparent that the environment has undergone gradual deterioration. Humans , (Not a good word choice) among the determinants , (Not a good word choice) We are to blame for doing much harm. exacerbating an enormous number of problems .

  • It is apparent that the environment has undergone gradual deterioration.
  • Humans , (Not a good word choice) among the determinants , (Not a good word choice) We are to blame for doing much harm.
  • exacerbating an enormous number of problems .
  • (You are trying too hard to use sophisticated, high-level words.
  • That detracts from the primary purpose of the essay, which is clear communication of your ideas.
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1 Answers
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It is apparent that the environment has undergone gradual deterioration. Humans, (Not a good word choice) among the determinants, (Not a good word choice) We are to blame for doing much harm.

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