Task 2, could you please review my essay?

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some useful activities in their free time?

For many young people, shopping is becoming one of their favourite habits. This issue is becoming a major concern in many communities. I believe that we should encourage young people to indulge themselves in other activities such as sport and exercise to save money and be physically fit.

The rise in shopping among young people can be attributed to two factors. The first is the rising incomes of the population. For instance, 50 years ago, the average family had around $5 per month to give to their children as monthly allowance, now this is more like $500 and so shopping frequently is unremarkable. Another factor, linked to the first, is the modern throw-away culture in which all products are treated as disposable and need to be upgraded. Since it seems mandatory for young people nowadays to regularly upgrade their gadgets or even clothes, it is not surprising that many of them go shopping for the latest mobile phones or clothes so as not to be "left out".

Dealing with an increasing number of young people shopping impulsively is best solved by a long-term approach and introducing more sport and exercise in their daily lives. Parents should encourage their children to get involved in sports and exercise. This will definitely make the next generation healthier and, at the same time, save money. By being preoccupied in sport and exercise, young people will shop less. This is certainly a natural and lasting way to reduce their time in shopping.

In conclusion, to deal with a growing number of young people who shop frequently, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing more sport and exercise in their lives is the easiest and most effective method to use.