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Crokcodi Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

[Task 1_Ielts writing] Practice test in Improve your writing skills

Thank you so much for your comments, teechr.

I attach the re-writing version below for your further advice.

Re-write

The line graph depicts the changing patterns regarding sales of four New York-based cafes over last year.

Overall, the earnings of the Tea Room Cafe showed a downward trend while that of other three cafes, namely the Wifi Cafe, Internet Express, and Cafe Cool, was on the rise. Furthermore, the Tea Room’s income in December registered the lowest revenue out of all four beverage shops examined.

To be more specific, the sales of the Tea Room stood at about 150.000 in January before gradually decreasing to almost 140.000 in October, followed by a sharp fall in the end of the year. By contrast, there was a gradual rise in relation to the Cafe Cool’s revenue over a duration of 10 months staring in January, and then its earnings significantly rose to 120.000 in December. The income trends of the Wifi Cafe and Internet Express indicated a similar upward trend. Particularly, the former experienced a double in terms of monthly sales from 50.000 in January to nearly 100.000 in June, before ending the year at approximately 130.000. Likewise, albeit there was a slight decrease in the Internet Express’ earnings, it still demonstrated a steady rise from approximately 80.000 to roughly 120.000.

  

Top answer

I attach the re-writing revised/rewritten version below for your further advice. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [ 1] The line graph illustrates the earnings of four New York-based cafes, namely the The Tea Room, Wifi Cafe, Internet Express, and Cafe Cool over the last year. Overall, except for The Tea Room, the others saw an increase in their incomes.

  • I attach the re-writing revised/rewritten version below for your further advice.
  • ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [ 1] The line graph illustrates the earnings of four New York-based cafes, namely the The Tea Room, Wifi Cafe, Internet Express, and Cafe Cool over the last year.
  • Overall, except for The Tea Room, the others saw an increase in their incomes.
  • To be more specific, the sales of T he Tea Room stood at about [ 2 ] $ 15 0, 000 in Januar y, before gradually decreasing to almost $ 140 , 000 in October, followed by a sharp fall in the end of the year to only $50,000 .
  • By contrast, there was a gradual rise in relation to the C afe Cool’s revenue over a duration of the first 10 month s, staring at around $30,000 in January, and then its earnings significantly rose rising to $ 120 , 000 in by December.
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1 Answers
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I attach the re-writing revised/rewritten version below for your further advice.

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[ 1] The line graph illustrates the earnings of four New York-based cafes, namely the The Tea Room, Wifi Cafe, Internet Express, and Cafe Cool over the last year.

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