Task 1 Writing IELTS

Question

https://blogchiasekienthuc.wordpress.com/2016/11/11/practice-3-the-consumption-of-fish-and-some-different-kinds-of-meat/

The data source clearly communicate 4 categories of meat were consumed in Europe during 1979 to 2004.

Overall, the period from 1979 to 2004 saw a slight decrease in the amount of beef and lamb was consumed. However, the consumption of chicken rose considerably in the same time.

In 1979, the consumable amount of beef made up the largest gram per person in a week, at approximately 225gram, almost fourfold as high as the consumption of fish, however, was lowest in 4 types of meat, at over 50gram. By contrast, the consumption of chicken and lamb was about 150gram. From 1979 to 1989, the consumption of beef fluctuated between around 225gram per indivisual per week. In contrast, the amount of fish was consumed, remaining stably, at approximately 50gram. This period also witnessed a gradual increase in chicken consumption, at around 200 gram. However, there was a moderate decrease in lamb consumed by a person per week, at about 100gram.

By 2004, the beef consumption in Europe fell dramatically to 100gram. In contrast, the consumption of chicken continue to grow significantly, was highest, at 250gram. However, there was a steady decrease in lamb consumption, at under 100gram.

HELP ME with the grammar, idea, and structure for this task 1 pls !

Thank you!

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

nhung 312The data source clearly communicate 4 categories of meat were consumed in Europe during 1979 to 2004.

There are more than eight major mistakes in that one sentence. The sentence is not grammatical. Here is a list of the mistakes.

1. The data source

Incorrect. Name the figure. It is a line graph.
A line graph plots data. Data comes from a source.
Most Task 1 essay instructions do not tell us what the source is. Sometimes I think they just make something up.

2. communicate

Incorrect. The verb is wrong. Communicate means people or machines exchanging information.

Also, the form is wrong. The subject does not agree with the verb.

Mary communicates with her professor every week.
The internet consists of many computers which communicate with each other.

3. 4 categories

Both words are wrong.

The digit 4 is incorrect. Do not use digits in Task 1 for items that are not data values. Write the numbers in words. "Four"

categories - incorrect. We do not communicate categories. We communicate information.

4. of meat

Incorrect. Fish is not considered to be meat. Look at the title. Beef, chicken, lamb, mutton, venison, and pork are types of meat. Fish and shellfish are not called "meat."

5. The data source clearly communicate 4 categories of meat were consumed in Europe.

Your overall sentence is ungrammatical. You have not learned how to write sentences with dependent clauses yet. You made this same error months ago. Learn how to use subordinators and relative pronouns.

The data source clearly communicates that four categories of meat were consumed in Europe.

6. categories of meat were consumed

That is incorrect. We do not eat categories. We eat (amounts of) meat.

7. in Europe

incorrect. Europe is a continent. It consists of many nations such as Austria, Finland, Greece and Belgium.
This data is from one of those nations, not the entire continent.

8. during 1979 to 2004.

Incorrect use of during. Here are uses of "during"

During 1979, Michael Jackson released nine top hits and an album.
During the spring of 2020, a global pandemic spread throughout the world.
I fell asleep during my English class.

corrections:

from 1979 to 2004.
during the period 1979 to 2004.
between the years 1979 and 2004

Here is a corrected version of that sentence. Please study it carefully.

The line graph compares the amounts of beef, chicken, lamb and fish that people in a European country ate on a weekly basis during a specific 25-year period, 1979 to 2004.

I may comment on more sentences in your essay in a different post. This post is already too long.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

nhung 312Overall, the period from 1979 to 2004 saw a slight decrease in the amount of beef and lamb was consumed. However, the consumption of chicken rose considerably ~~in the same time~~.

1. "see"

Do periods have eyes? Can years see things? Really?

In news articles or argumentative essays, it is perfectly OK to use anthropomorphic verbs. This is a figure of speech called imagery. It stimulates the readers' imagination and emotions. In Task 2 essays, years can witness things or see things.

But for math and science, we do not use imagery. We write with impartial accuracy and precision for the brain, not for the heart. So words like "see, witness and experience" are not appropriate for Task 1. Put these words in your vocabulary list for Task 2. Take them away from your vocabulary list for Task 1.

2. "was consumed."

Ungrammatical clause structure. You have not learned how to write complex sentences yet. You must practice writing sentences that contain dependent clauses.

Overall, the period from 1979 to 2004 saw a slight decrease in the amounts of beef and lamb that were consumed.

The relative pronoun, that, (also called a subordinator because it introduces a subordinate clause), is absolutley required.

Here is the corrected sentence. You do not need to repeat the time frame. You just wrote that in the first paragraph.

Overall, there was a slight decrease in the amounts of beef and lamb that were consumed. However, the consumption of chicken rose considerably.

You will get more points for a keener observation, but right now you should concentrate on basic grammar and vocabulary. You can compare your sentences with a band 9 sentence. It has similar content, but is much more precise and mathematical. I added up the total consumption amounts at the start and end.

Overall, the total amount of meat and fish eaten per week was 20% lower at the end of the period than at the beginning (570 versus 450 grams), but the proportion of chicken in the diet nearly doubled, from 36% (220/570) in 1979 to over 75% (250/450) in 2004.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

nhung 312In 1979, the consumable amount of beef made up the largest gram per person in a week, at approximately 225gram, almost fourfold as high as the consumption of fish, however, was lowest in 4 types of meat, at over 50gram. By contrast, the consumption of chicken and lamb was about 150gram.

1. consumable

Incorrectly used.

If something is consumable, it can be eaten. For example, grass is not consumable to people and tigers. It is consumable for horses and cows.

When you say "consumable amount of beef", I think of the parts that were discarded, like the bones and cartilage. When you have a cut of beef, for example, T-bone steak, it is not all consumable.

2. largest gram

Grams are only one size. You cannot have large grams and small grams.

Numbers can be large (e.g. a billion )

3. in a week

Use adverbs of frequency: weekly or per week.

3. 225gram, 50gram, 150gram

You must use the plural form and a space.

one gram

two grams

10 grams
On can of coke contains 39 grams of sugar.

One thousand grams is one kilogram.

4. fourfold

incorrect usage. Use "four times"

5. however, was lowest in 4 types of meat, at over 50gram.

Ungrammatical clause structure. The verb "was" has no subject.

Also, this is a run-on sentence with a comma splice error.

Do not use 4, but write the number in words - four.

Also there are not four types of meat, because fish is not a meat.

"over 50 grams" - This is incorrect. One hundred is over 50, and so is 500. When you say "over 50" there is no upper bound.

In 1979, the consumable amount of beef made up the largest gram per person in a week, at approximately 225gram, almost fourfold as high as the consumption of fish, however, was lowest in 4 types of meat, at over 50gram.

Corrected:

In 1979, the amount of beef consumed per person was larger than that of the other three items, at approximately 225 grams per week. It was almost four times as high as fish, which was lowest, at just over 50 grams.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

nhung 312 From 1979 to 1989, the consumption of beef fluctuated between around 225gram per indivisual per week.

You used the word "fluctuate" incorrectly and misspelled "individual."

Fluctuate means to go up and down (frequently) with respect to a trend line.

Here is a recent article on global warming that shows random fluctuation.

From an article on trend and fluctuation.

Task 1 Writing IELTS

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