[TASK 1] The international conferences in three different cities

Question

Hello teachers, please check these essays in the IELTS test for me. Thank you for your help <3

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The graph shows the information about the international conferences in three capital cities in 1980 – 2010.

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MY ESSAY

The yearly information related to international conferences changes in three specific cities, namely city A, B, and C between the year 1980 and 2010 was described in the following line chart.

Overall, the amounts of conferences in these three cities clearly showed two different trends. The first was the decline of internal conferences which was showed by cities A and B. In contrast, city C gave a sharp increase in the same period.

Being the first-rank and second-rank cities, cities A and B began at 35 and 30 conferences in 1980, which were their highest amounts during the present period. Yet over the following years, they decreased slightly with minor fluctuations of plus and minus 10 conferences and ended at nearly the same value, around 25 conferences in the year 2010.

On the other hand, city C had a steady increase over the 20-year period, and hit its peak at 35 conferences which equaled the highest conference that city A had in the initial year. In the next 10 years, there was a slight decline in the number of conferences but it still ranked first in these following years at just barely over 30 conferences.

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MY FRIEND'S ESSAY

The graph studies the number of conferences held by three cities: A, B and C from 1980 to 2010. It could be interpreted as the rise and fall of the importance and prestige of the mentioned cities.

From the beginning years, city A and B clearly dominated with city A having a slight edge. In 1980, city A and B, held 35 and 30 conferences respectively. These number saw various minor changes over the years, till 2000, where they both landed at around 25 conferences.

But, it is in that very same period between 1980 and 2000 that we witnessed the rise to prominence of city C with its steady increase in the number of hosted conference, starting from the humble number of zero conference in 1980 and peaked at 35 in 2000 at the cost of the declining number in city A and B.

The last 10 years of the graph shows little to no changes beside a small decline of the amount of hosted conferences of city C. The line of city A and B saw some small rise in 2005 but remained relatively unchanged throughout the periods.

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It's my pleasure to have your help

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The graphic you attached is barely readable. It is out of focus and very small. Please attach clearer and larger images next time.

The yearly information related to international conferences changes in three specific cities, namely city A, B, and C between the year 1980 and 2010 was described in the following line chart.

Your first paragraph is not good. There are 6 mistakes in one sentence.

1. "information related to" is vague and leaves the reader confused. Information could be the size of the venue, the number of attendees, the length of the conference, the number of sessions or almost anything else related to a conference. These words do not tell the reader anything!

2. The cities are capitals of a political district.

3. "year" There is more than one year. So the form of the noun is wrong.

4. "Describe" is not a good verb for this task. "Describe" is for words, not plots.

5. "following" The figure does not follow your first paragraph. so "following" is incorrect.

6. "chart" is incorrect. There are bar charts, pie charts, organization charts, gantt charts and eye charts. There is no such thing as a line chart.

In the first paragraph of Task 1:

Name the figure correctly. If there is more than one, tell the reader how many.

Tell the reader exactly what the information. Be precise.

Use an appropriate verb.

Read my advice for more details on these mistakes.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Overall, the amounts (wrong usage. Amount is for non-count items like gas, meat, food, salt or water.) of conferences in these three cities clearly showed two different trends. The first was the decline of internal (wrong word. Also decline of conferences refers to their quality - how well they were rated by the attendees or other surveyed people.) conferences which was showed by cities A and B. In contrast, city C gave (wrong word. ) a sharp increase in the same period.

Being the first-rank (wrong word) and second-rank (wrong word. ) cities, cities A and B began at 35 and 30 conferences in 1980, which were their highest amounts (wrong word. ) during the ~~present~~ (wrong word.) period. Yet over the following years, they decreased slightly with minor changes ~~fluctuations~~ of plus and minus 10 conferences and ended at nearly the same value, around 25 conferences in the year 2010.

On the other hand, city C had a steady increase over the 20-year period, (The length of the period on the graph is 30, not 20 years.) and hit a ~~its~~ peak at 35 conferences which equaled the highest conference (wrong word. Conferences are not tall or short.) that city A had in the initial year. In the next 10 years, there was a slight decline in the number of conferences but it still ranked first in these following years at just ~~barely~~ over 30 conferences.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Vu LeMY FRIEND'S ESSAY

The graph (what type of graph?) studies ( wrong verb) the number of conferences held by three cities: A, B and C from 1980 to 2010. ~~It could be interpreted as the rise and fall of the importance and prestige of the mentioned~~ (wrong word. Remove the word "mentioned" completely from your Task 1 and Task 2 vocabulary.) ~~cities.~~

(you have broken one of the most important rules of Task 1. The entire purpose is for the student to describe a process, data in a table, or plots on different types of graphs and charts. This is a scientific and mathematical context. It is completely wrong to give any opinions, interpretations, deductions or conclusions. )

From the beginning years, city A and B clearly dominated with city A having a slight edge. In 1980, city A and B, held 35 and 30 conferences respectively. These number saw various minor changes over the years, till 2000, where they both hosted ~~landed~~ at around 25 conferences.

But, it is in that very same period between 1980 and 2000 that we witnessed the rise to prominence (That is deduction, opinion, or inference.) of city C with its steady increase in the number of hosted conference, starting from the humble (That is an opinion word. Do not use opinions in Task 1. Opinions are for Task 2.) number of zero conference in 1980 and peaked at 35 in 2000 at the cost of (That is an inference. YOu have no idea how many other cities in the world held conferences.) the declining number in city A and B.

The last 10 years of the graph shows little to no changes beside a small decline of the amount (wrong word. amount is for non-count nouns - water, food, salt, air, stuff and baggage.) of hosted conferences of city C. ~~The line of city~~ Cities A and B showed ~~saw~~ some small rise in 2005 but remained relatively unchanged throughout the periods. (There is only one period: 1980-2010.)

Sample essay:

The line graph plots the number of international conferences hosted by three capital cities, namely A, B and C, between 1980 and 2010. Data points are given every five years.

Overall, the total number of these conferences increased over the period. All of that increase was due to City C, which rose from hosting the fewest in 1980 to the most in 2010.

In detail, there were 65 conferences among these cities in 1980, compared to 80 thirty years later. At the beginning, cities A and B had all of them, 35 and 30 respectively. Over the rest of the period, Cities A and B had a very similar pattern, first dropping between 1980 and 1985. City A hosted 6 fewer conferences, and B lost 9. Both regained most, but not all of them by 1990, only to have lower numbers over the next ten years. City A retained its lead over City B until 2005, when they held the same number, 27. Thereafter, B held a few more than A. In contrast, City C, which had no conferences in 1980, steadily increased its number, surpassing both A and B in 1995, and peaking at 35 in 2000. It was the city with the highest number (31) at the end of the period.

[TASK 1] The international conferences in three different cities

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