Task 1, please help me check .

Question

The line graph plots the proportion of people in variety of age groups in a city taking part in music concert over a five - year period, starting from 2010.
In general, these line graphs had an upward trend only the percentage of attendant aged from 55-64 tend to go down and the one of 16-24 age group is the highest.
According to the graph, the proportion of youngster in the 16-24 age group and the elderly were sharply rose with more than ten per cent from 2010 to 2011. After that, the youngth and the adult (15-44 age) had a slight rise in the percentage before they remained stable to 2013. Whilst, people from 45-55 age and people with more than 75 age had a small drop by 2012, then plateaued to 2013.
Notably, in the year 2015, the proportion of the people aged in 16-24, 25-44 and more than 75 age groups stood at nearly two-third, roughly a half and more than a fifth respectively. It can be seen that these three age groups considerably grew over the following years.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Sorry, I can't see the graph, so I can't comment. Attach an image.

A youngster in the US is a child aged 7-12, a pre-teenager. Otherwise is is a rather humorous and informal word.

I cannot imagine that there were enough singers and musicians to be on a plot like this. There are not many septuagenarians who play for crowds who come to a concert.

Consider revising your essay based on my advice:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Niheoheo · Answer

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The line graph plots the proportion of people in a variety of age groups in a city taking part (Wrong word. If you take part in a music concert, you are either singing or playing one of the instruments.) in music concert over a five - year period, starting from 2010. (How many age groups? What are the age brackets?)

In general, these line graphs (Wrong word. There is only one line graph. It has five curves which show five different data series.) had an upward trend only (run-on sentence. ungrammatical) the percentage of attendant (Wrong word. ) aged from 55-64 tend to go down and the one of (Wrong expression. ) 16-24 age group is the highest.
~~According to the graph,~~ (Filler words, unnecessary repetition) the proportion of youngster (Wrong word., wrong form) in the 16-24 age group and the elderly (Wrong word.) were sharply rose (Wrong verb form. with more than ten per cent from 2010 to 2011. After that, the youngth (invalid word.) and the adult (Wrong form.) (15-44 age) had a slight rise in the percentage before they remained stable (Wrong expression. You are saying that their mental or physical health did not deteriorate.) .) to 2013. Whilst, (Wrong punctuation). ) people from 45-55 age (Wrong expression.) and people with more than 75 age (Wrong expression.) had a small drop by 2012, then plateaued (Wrong word.) to 2013.
Notably, in the year 2015, the proportion of the people aged in 16-24, 25-44 and more than 75 age groups stood at nearly two-third, (Wrong form. ) roughly a half and more than a fifth respectively. ~~It can be seen that~~ (filler words) The percentages of people in these three age groups considerably grew over the following years.

Example essay for your study purposes:

The line graph plots the proportion of residents of a certain city who went to a music concert in the years 2010 to 2015. They are divided into six age brackets, the young (16-24), adults (25-54), middle-aged adults (45-54), older adults (55-64) and seniors (over 75). Notably, there is no data for the age group 65-74.

Overall, the most noticeable trend was that the younger people attended concerts in relatively larger numbers than older ones. In the first year, only the two youngest groups violated this observation with the youngest having less attendance than the adults 25-44. In 2015, the percentages (ranging from 20 to 70%) were in the same order as the ages of the groups. During the five-year period, the percentages in all age groups went up, except for the older adults (55-64), which decreased slightly.

Music concerts became much more popular for the youngest group; whereas only four in ten went in 2010, seven in ten did in 2015. They surpassed the adult group in 2011, which had had a decline in attendance from 2010 from 50 to 40%. The age group with the least variation was the older adults (45-54); their proportions remained in the range from 22-29%. The oldest group, seniors over 75, had the smallest attendance; the highest proportions being recorded in 2011 and 2015 at just over one in five.

Task 1, please help me check .

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