TASK 1 (Pie graphs) The number of research students in Australian universities

Question

Hello teacher, I hope that you'll have a nice weekend. I just wrote an essay for task 1 in the IELTS test. Please correct it for me. If it's possible, could you please give me your sample essay? Its really useful to me. Thank you so much, teacher.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

Answer:

These two pie graphs and accompanying table compare the percentage of local and international research students in Australian universities in two specific years (2001 and 2010). These students are also divided by gender.

Overall, the amounts of both local and international research students increased between 2001 and 2010, substantially tripling for the international students yet going up about 17% for the local one.

The year 2001 and 2010 showed the same pattern that the local research students were higher than the international ones, about 7 and less than 3 times respectively. The value of local students, in terms of percentage, declined from 87 percent in 2001 to 73 percent in 2010.

The proportion between male and female of the local students were balanced while male was significantly higher than female for the international ones, barely 2 times. In contrast, there was a factor of 3 percent between international male and female due to the dominance of female. The figures for the local male and female students slightly decreased, starting out at the same value of 43 percent and ending at 39 and 35 percent respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

These two pie graphs (You made exactly the same mistake in your last essay. Learn the correct names of the different graphics that are used in IELTS Task 1.)

and accompanying table compare the percentages of local and international research students (male and female) in Australian universities in two specific years (2001 and 2010). ~~These students are also divided by gender~~.

Overall, the amounts

(Amount is used for non-count nouns. Electricity cannot be counted. What about students? Can you count them? If the answer is "yes", then you cannot use "amount". You must use "number".)

of both local and international research students increased between 2001 and 2010, ~~substantially~~ tripling for the international students yet going up about 17% for the local ones. (Very awkward. This is very poor style. Use parallel phrases - that is, the same word pattern when you compare two things.. Then you have a superior and elegant sentence

... 300% for international compared to 17% for local students.

The year 2001 and 2010 showed the same pattern, that the local research students were higher (That is not correct. The chart does not measure how tall the students were.) than the international ones, about 7 (Seven what?) and less than 3 times respectively. (Three times respectively? Respectively is not a value.) The value of local students, (What is the value of a person? Insurance companies say a million dollars. ) in terms of percentage, declined from 87 percent in 2001 to 73 percent in 2010.

The proportion ~~between~~ of male and female of the local students were equal / the same ~~balanced~~ while male (One man?) was significantly higher than female (one woman? Yes, men are taller than women, but not twice as tall.) for the international ones, (wrong word) barely 2 times. In contrast, there was a factor of 3 percent between international male and female due to the dominance of female. The figures for the local male and female students slightly decreased, starting out at the same value of 43 percent and ending at 39 and 35 percent respectively.

When you say "male is higher than female", you are talking about the height of one individual compared to another individual.

Here is an example you can study. At 210 words, it is too long for a good IELTS Task 1 essay, but you can consider the sentence patterns and vocabulary.

The table contains the numbers of local versus international research students in Australian universities in the years 2001 and 2010. The two pie charts present the same information graphically, but, in addition, they separate out males from females in each group.

Overall, the total number of students increased by about 40%, (from 38,849 to 54,081) but most of that growth was contributed by the international group, which tripled from about 5 to 14 thousand. The pie chart shows that this represented a more than twofold increase in the proportion of international students from 13 to 27%.

In 2001, the ratio of males to females in the international group was about 2 to 1, whereas it was 1 to 1 for the local group. The percentage of international female and local female students was 4% and 43%, respectively, so the total student population was 47% female and 53% male. This changed in 2010 to 15% international women and 35% local women, showing a nearly fourfold increase in the percentage of international women students, with a slight decline for the local women. In the case of the men, the percentages in the smaller international group rose from 9% in 2001 to 12% in 2010. In 2010, the male students slightly outnumbered the women in the local group, 21,090 to 18,928, but overall, the student population was 50% male and 50% female.

TASK 1 (Pie graphs) The number of research students in Australian universities

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions