TASK 1 (Pie graphs) Electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany

Question

I just wrote an essay for the task 1 in the IELTS test. Please check and correct it for me. I really appreciate your efforts and kindness. Thank you so much.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

Electricity Generation by Source in New Zealand

Electricity Generation by Source in Germany

Answer:

These four pie graphs compared the units of electricity generation from five different sources in New Zealand and Germany in two specific years (1980 and 2010). These sources are coal, petroleum, natural gas, nuclear, and hydro.

Overall, the units of electricity generation significantly increased after 30 years. New Zealand started out at 127 units in 1980 and ended at 200 units in 2010. For Germany, the figure was 107 units in the year 1980 but being exactly two-folded in 2010.

In 1980, coal was the main source to produce electricity in New Zealand. It took 56 units which was twice that of Germany in the same year. In the second place after only coal, natural gas and hydro had the same value of 30 units in electricity generation. Petroleum, only having 11 units of the total, was the least source of these ones. In Germany, both natural gas and coal took the top rank with the same value of 28 units, which was four-folded that of hydro. The difference between the values of petroleum and nuclear was slight, 22 versus 20 units respectively.

In 2010, while coal was still the major source with 150 units in New Zealand, the main source of electricity production in Germany changed into nuclear with 155 units. The use of hydro for creating electricity increased, being one and a half compared to the initial value in 1980. In contrast, the other sources included natural gas and petroleum were significantly declined to the lowest position, at the same figure of 2 units. On the other hand, in Germany, coal was the specific one that remained the same value after 30 years, at 28 units yet only taking around 13 percent compared to slightly above 26 percent in 1980. Petroleum increased from 22 units to 27 units, while hydro and natural gas decreased to 2 units in the same year.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote 315 words, and the minimum is 150. That is too much writing. You do not have to write about every detail. Instead focus on your grammar, vocabulary, sentence structure and logical flow. Target for 170-190 words.

You will lose points by not picking out the most significant features on the charts. It will also cost you a lot of test time. You will have less time to finish Task 2 and overall, and that is not good. You will panic as time runs out and not do well.

These four pie graphs (wrong word) compared (use the present tense. The chart is being analyzed in the present.) the units of electricity ~~generation~~ (wrong form) ~~from~~ generated by five different fuel sources in New Zealand and Germany in two specific years (1980 and 2010). These sources are coal, petroleum, natural gas, nuclear, and hydro.

Overall, the units of electricity ~~generation~~ significantly increased after 30 years. New Zealand started out at with 127 units in 1980 and ended at 200 units in 2010. For Germany, ~~the figure~~ it was 107 units in ~~the year~~ 1980 but ~~being~~ ~~exactly two-folded~~ (wrong word. There is no verb "two-fold" ) was twice as much in 2010.

(Other ways to say it:

For Germany, it was 107 units in the year 1980 and this doubled to 214 in 2010. For Germany, the 107 units generated in 1980 had risen by a factor of two by 2010.
The 107 units generated in Germany in 1980 increased precisely twofold by 2010.

)

In 1980, coal was the main source to produce electricity in New Zealand, accounting for slightly than half of the total, 56 out of 127 units. That .~~It took 56 units~~ (unnatural) ~~which~~ was twice that of Germany in the same year. In the second place after ~~only~~ coal, natural gas and hydro had the same value of 30 units ~~in electricity generation~~. Petroleum, only having 11 units of the total, was the least source of these ones. In Germany, both natural gas and coal were the largest sources having ~~took the top rank~~ ~~with~~ the same value of 28 units, which was ~~four-folded~~ four times that of hydro. The difference between the values of petroleum and nuclear was slight, 22 versus 20 units respectively.

In 2010, while coal was still the major source with 150 units in New Zealand, the main source of electricity production in Germany changed into nuclear with 155 units. The use of hydro for creating electricity increased, being one and a half ~~compared to~~ times the initial value in 1980. In contrast, the other sources included natural gas and petroleum were significantly declined (wrong verb form. The passive is incorrect.) to the lowest position, at the same ~~figure~~ value of 2 units. On the other hand, in Germany, coal ~~was the specific one that~~ remained the same value after 30 years, at 28 units ~~yet only taking~~ (or around 13 percent) compared to slightly above 26 percent in 1980. Petroleum increased from 22 units to 27 units, while hydro and natural gas decreased to 2 units ~~in the same year~~.

Essay to study: Note that I do not simply copy numbers from the chart.
Paragraph 1: Describe the graphic:

These four pie charts compare the amounts of electricity generated by five different fuel sources in New Zealand and Germany in two specific years (1980 and 2010). These sources are coal, petroleum, natural gas, nuclear, and hydro.

Main observations: (Paragraph 2) Write two or three significant observations that you see in the data.

Overall, the amounts of electricity generated increased substantially between 1980 and 2010, doubling in Germany and going up by about 60% in New Zealand. The main fuel source switched in Germany from a combination of natural gas and coal, which together accounted for about half the total, to nuclear power, which was responsible for 75%. In contrast, the main power source in New Zealand, coal, increased its share from a little less than half, to three-quarters of the total.

The word count in the two paragraphs above is about 120, now pick out some interesting details and write another 50 words in the last paragraph. Here are some things I selected. Note that this paragraph is too long for the actual test; I am just giving you some vocabulary and sentences that can be used.

Nuclear power was a critical source for Germany, rising from 20 units in 1980 to 155 units in 2010, more than a sevenfold increase. New Zealand, in comparison, did not utilize this source at all. However, like Germany, it concentrated its production into fewer sources. In 1980, coal, natural gas and hydro power accounted for more than 90%, but by 2010, it was producing 98% of its electricity from coal (150 of 200 total units) and hydro power (46 units). As New Zealand was relying more on hydro power, Germany reduced its use of this source from 7 to 2 units, in percentage terms, from 7% to less than 1%. Likewise, natural gas became an insignificant source, declining by a factor of 14 from 28 to 2 units. That was a reduction from about a quarter to less than 1% of the total.

TASK 1 (Pie graphs) Electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany

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