Task 1 Ielts. Please check me!

Question

The table compares the proportion of females and males by 5 different age groups in a particular town who cycled in 2011.

Overall, it can be seen that females had a higher preference for cycling than males of all ages. Additionally, the proportion of people between 40 and 59 years old was by far the lowest cycling.

In terms of female cyclists, the people aged 0 to 9 took up 51.3% of the total population percentage in 2011, which was significantly higher than in comparison with that of 10-17 and 18-39 age groups, at 42.2% and 17.1% respectively. The proportion of cycling females falling into the 40-59 age group was lowest, at 12.3% while the figure for the elders (60 or more) went to 18.5%.

Regarding the male gender, there was a similar trend. Whereas the largest proportion for male cyclists fell into the 0-9 age group, at 50.3%, people who belong to the 40-59 were the lowest cycling percentage, at only 8%. There were 24.6%, 13.2%, and 9.7% of the total male cyclists in 10-17, 18-39, and 60 or older age groups respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table compares the proportion of females and males by 5 five different age groups in a particular town who cycled in 2011.

Overall, ~~it can be seen that~~ (Filler words. They say nothing about the information) females had a higher preference for cycling than males of all ages. Additionally, the ~~proportion of~~ people between 40 and 59 years old cycled the least. ~~was by far the lowest cycling~~.

In terms of female cyclists, the people (these "people" are little girls.) aged 0 to 9 took up (wrong phrase) 51.3% of the total population percentage in 2011, which was significantly higher ~~than~~ in comparison with that of the 10-17 and 18-39 age groups, at 42.2% and 17.1% respectively. The proportion of cycling females falling into the 40-59 age group was lowest, at 12.3% while the figure (wrong word) for the elders (age 60 or more) went to 18.5%.

Regarding the male gender, there was a similar trend. Whereas the largest proportion for male cyclists fell into the 0-9 age group, at 50.3%, people who ~~belong to~~ were in the 40-59 group cycled the least ~~were the lowest cycling percentage,~~ at only 8%. There were 24.6%, 13.2%, and 9.7% of the total male cyclists in 10-17, 18-39, and 60 or older age groups respectively.

Here is a model essay for you to study:

This essay is way too long (250 words) but it gives you some phrases and vocabulary to study.
There are three paragraphs. The first gives all the information about the table, but does not tell the reader about the content. The second gives three major observations. The third gives some interesting details.

Introduction. Note that I give names to the age groups so they can be referred to by name in the body paragraphs. That makes it easier to write and easier for the reader to understand.

The table compares the proportion of people who rode bicycles in 2011 in one particular town. The table has two columns: males and females. There are five rows, for the age groups. Two of them are for children and three for adults, specifically, young children aged 0-9, older children and teenagers aged 10-17, young adults aged 19-39, middle-aged adults aged 49-59, and older adults, over 60.

Overall, the proportions for girls and women was higher than that of their male counterparts in every age group, and the children (in the two groups under age 18) cycled more than the adults. About half of the children under age 10 in the town, both boys and girls, rode bicycles.

In detail, the age group of older children (10-17) had the greatest difference between the male and female cyclists, about 42% of the girls cycled compared to 25% of the boys. That was nearly a 2:1 ratio. The difference was nearly the same for young adults (age 18-39), where the percentage for men (9.7%) was about 0.6 or 60% that of women (17.1%). The age group with the smallest proportion of cyclists was in the older adults (40-59). Even the seniors had higher values (12% and 18% for women and 8% and 13% for men, respectively.) The smallest percentages in the table were for adult males, where less than one in every ten men between the ages of 18 and 59 rode a bicycle.

Task 1 Ielts. Please check me!

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