Task 1 Essay IELTS

Question

Hi,Would you please check the following report?The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.The bar graph delineates the proportion of males and females of six different age groups who performed physical activity regularly during 2010 in Australia. Overall, more women than men engaged in such activities in almost all the age groups, and unlike women, men evinced less and less interest in doing exercise until middle ages.In the age group of 15-24, around 53% of men took physical exercise, whereas 47% of women did so. In the course of time, women out-numbered men in terms of performing physical exercise. In the age groups between 35 and 44, the figure for men decreased to 39.5%, while that of women rose to 52.5%.The proportion of women who worked out regularly remained almost the same (around 53%) up to the age of 64, with a following return to 47% for those who were 65 and above, which was the smallest figure compared to the other age groups of this gender. Men, in contrast, grew up in number regarding doing exercise to about 47%, which was second only to the figure for teenagers and young adults aged 15 to 24.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Note:

I have answered this question earlier for another student. See the "model essay" at the bottom of this thread.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/PleaseHelpMeWritingTask1/bncxqc/post.htm

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The bar graph delineates the proportion of males and females of six different age groups who performed physical activity regularly during 2010 in Australia. Overall, more women than men engaged in such activities in almost all the age groups, and unlike women, men evinced less and less interest (You have stated an opinion here. Maybe they had the interest, but not the time, or money. Do not draw conclusions or express opinions in Task 1 essays. A professor expects a neutral, disinterested description of the graphic with no inferences or commentary. ) in doing exercise until middle ages. (The middle ages is a classical period of time in history, from about 600 to 1300 CE.)

In the age group of 15-24, around 53% of men took physical exercise, whereas 47% of women did so. In the course of time, women out-numbered (outnumbered - no hyphen. Although the term is OK here, because in the general population, generally there are 50% men and 50% women, plus or minus 2 percent. ^*tn June 2017, there were 193,900 more females than males residing in Australia, with 12.2 million males and 12.4 million females. In general it is very risky and sometimes blatantly incorrect to compare percentages with absolute numbers.) since men in terms of performing physical exercise. In the age groups between 35 and 44, the percentage / proportion of ~~figure for~~ men decreased to 39.5%, while that of women rose to 52.5%.

The proportion of women who worked out regularly remained almost the same (around 53%) up to the age of 64, with a following return to 47% for those who were 65 and above, which was the smallest value ~~figure~~ compared to the other age groups ~~of this gender~~. Men, in contrast, grew up in number regarding doing exercise to about 47%, which was second only to that of ~~the figure~~ ~~for~~ teenagers and young adults aged 15 to 24.

In mathematical / scientific articles, the word "Figure" means a graphic, table, or illustration inserted into the text. It sounds quite awkward to use it to refer to data values, so, it is good practice to avoid the word "figure" in task 1. "Figure" is most commonly used in business reporting contexts to refer to numbers; e.g. sales figures for December 2018 were higher than those for the previous month.

Task 1 Essay IELTS

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