Task 1 : could you please help me to check this task.

Question

The bar chart provides information about the proportion of male and female in six age groups who regularly did physical activity in Australia in 2010

In general, the number of men doing exercise was slightly higher than women excepting the group in 15-24 aged, in which women were attracted more than half of total. While female participants taking part in this had decrease tendency from 15 age to 44 age and steady rose in over 44 age, the older the Australian man got, the higher their amusement in physical activity was.

The proportion of women in 15 to 24 aged doing constitutional activity made up the highest percentage comparing with other female age groups, with 52.8 %. Turning to 25 to 34 aged and 35 to 44 aged group, fewer women spent their time on doing physical exercise, the figures were accounted standing at 42.2% and 39.5% respectively. After 45 years old, female started to concern again the exercise, so that in the three remain aged groups the percentage of female participant was higher, around 45%

The percentage of Australian men partook in physical activity tended to increase depending on the older group. In 45 to 54 aged group had the most participants comparing with 65 and over aged group, the figure stood at only 47.15% and 47% for 15 to 24 group aged and 48.9% for 25 to 34 group aged. In 35 to 44 age group had as many participants as 55 to 64 group aged, at 53%.

To be honest I make a trouble to write this task, its quite confused. please help me to check the inaccuracy and give me some advices to improve my writing

one more question: how do i use "the rest" and "remain" ?

thanks so much

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Can you show us what the chart looks like please?

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

I assume you are writing about the same chart as another student.

https://www.EnglishForward.com/English/PleaseHelpMeWritingTask1/bncxqc/post.htm

ThaleeTo be honest I make a trouble to write this task, its quite confused.

To be honest I ~~make a~~ had trouble ~~to write this task~~, writing this essay. I am quite confused.

IELTS Task 1 is a very challenging test. The student must describe a chart, figure or graphic that would appear in a scientific context. The student must avoid giving opinions.

Accuracy and precision is more important than using synonyms.

ThaleeThe bar chart provides information about the proportion of male and female in six age groups who regularly did physical activity in Australia in 2010

The bar chart ~~provides information about~~ shows the proportions of males and females ("Men and women" is more accurate than males and females. Males and females include babies and children. There are no data about babies on the bar chart.) in six age groups who regularly did physical activity in Australia in 2010.

Here is my "model" paragraph. It is fine to write more than one sentence. Give a good description of the diagram, but do not write about the data. It is OK the "frame" the data, which gives the reader an idea of the values that are on the graph or chart.

The bar chart compares the percentages of Australian men versus women who did regular physical activity, divided into six age groups. The data is from one year, 2010. The six age groups are: 15 to 24, 25 to 34, 35 to 44, 45 to 54, 55 to 64 and over 64. The values ranged from a low of 39% to a high of 53%, a difference of only 14 percentage points.

ThaleeIn general, the number of men doing exercise was slightly higher than women excepting the group

In general, the number of men doing exercise was slightly higher than women excepting except the group in 15-24 ~~aged~~, in which women were attracted more than half of total. While female participants taking part in this had decrease tendency from 15 age to 44 age and steady rose in over 44 age, the older the Australian man got, (The graph does not show what happens when one man or a group of men get older. It is all the men in one year, 2010. Some are old men, and some are young men.) the higher their amusement in physical activity was.

I think you are trying to use synonyms. That is a disaster. There are many grammatical errors.

The proportion of women in the 15 to 24 age group ~~doing constitutional activity~~ made up the highest percentage ~~comparing with~~ compared to the rest of the ~~other~~ female age groups, with 52.8 %. ~~Turning to~~ In the 25 to 34 ~~aged~~ and 35 to 44 ~~aged~~ age groups, ~~fewer~~ a lower percentage of women spent their time on doing physical exercise, ~~the figures were accounted standing at~~ 42.2% and 39.5% respectively. After 45 years old, the levels of women doing regular exercise went up ~~female started to concern again the exercise,~~ so that in the three remaining aged groups the percentages were ~~of female participant was~~ higher, around 45%.

The percentage of Australian men who partook in physical activity tended to increase depending on their age. ~~the older group.~~ In 45 to 54 ~~aged~~ age group had the most participants comparing with 65 and over aged group, the figure stood at only 47.15% and 47% for 15 to 24 group aged and 48.9% for 25 to 34 group aged. In 35 to 44 age group had ~~as many participants~~ the same percentage as the 55 to 64 group aged, at 53%.

The phrases "the most participants" and "as many participants as" are not correct because the values are given in percentages, not counts.

For example, suppose 50% of men aged 20-30 did regular exercise, and 75% of men over 65 did. Which group had the most participants? You cannot determine the answer, because you don't know how many men were in each group. If there were 200,000 guys aged 20-30, there were 100,000 (50%) doing exercise. If there were 100,000 over 65, there were 75,000 (75%) doing exercise. The group with the most participants was the 20-30 age group.

Model body paragraphs:

Except for the youngest age group, more women than men participated in regular exercise. The gender gap was highest in the middle age groups, about a 12% gap for the 35-to-44 year olds, and 10% for the next higher age group (55 to 64). This gap was narrowest (less than 1%) in the 65-and-over age group, with 47% participating. The data showed age-dependent patterns, rather than random variations.

For men, the percentage was highest, nearly 53%, for the youngest age group. It declined to a low of about 40% for the 35-to-44 year olds, and then increased again to 47% in the oldest age group. For women, the data was more consistent; there was less variation. In the youngest age group, about 47% did regular exercise. This rose slightly (about 5%) to 52-53 percent in the middle age groups (35 to 64), and then declined to about 47% in the oldest age group.

Task 1 : could you please help me to check this task.

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