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PreciousJones Posted 15 years ago
Grammar
Take a stab at it?
Someone please correct this. Thankyou.
Dear Military Recruitment,
I’ve tried everything I possibly can to acquire medical documentation of the surgery from 20 years ago, but have been unsuccessful. After the benign tumor was removed I continued to play sports throughout school and excelled in both Junior Varsity and Varsity sports, mainly swimming and basketball.
During the start of college I recognized that joining the US military was something that would be commendable and honorable, so I decided to sign up for the US Navy reserve. I took the ASVAB along with the physical and passed with no concerns about my leg, because it had healed stronger and more durable than before.
The reason why I didn’t end up in the Navy was because I wanted to get a taste of college before I actually fully commit to the military. I have now completed all my GE courses and will have an opportunity to transfer to a four year university, thus allowing me to fulfill my dream of joining the US military.
I’m a patriot and I’d like to help and aid the state and country when needed.
I’m positive that I will pass the physical again if I’m allowed to take it one more time.
Dear Military Recruitment,
I’ve tried everything I possibly can to acquire medical documentation of the surgery from 20 years ago, but have been unsuccessful. After the benign tumor was removed I continued to play sports throughout school and excelled in both Junior Varsity and Varsity sports, mainly swimming and basketball.
During the start of college I recognized that joining the US military was something that would be commendable and honorable, so I decided to sign up for the US Navy reserve. I took the ASVAB along with the physical and passed with no concerns about my leg, because it had healed stronger and more durable than before.
The reason why I didn’t end up in the Navy was because I wanted to get a taste of college before I actually fully commit to the military. I have now completed all my GE courses and will have an opportunity to transfer to a four year university, thus allowing me to fulfill my dream of joining the US military.
I’m a patriot and I’d like to help and aid the state and country when needed.
I’m positive that I will pass the physical again if I’m allowed to take it one more time.
Top answer
Most of this is very good. I have only a few suggestions. I will underline my suggestions.
- Most of this is very good.
- I have only a few suggestions.
- I will underline my suggestions.
- (I'd leave out the word "durable" because that applies more to inanimate objects and not parts of your body.
- ) Dear Military Recruiter , I've tried everything I possibly can to acquire medical documentation of my surgery from 20 years ago, but have been unsuccessful.
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1 Answers
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Most of this is very good. I have only a few suggestions. I will underline my suggestions. (I'd leave out the word "durable" because that applies more to inanimate objects and not parts of your body. I tried to think of a replacement for it, but I think "stronger" will convey the meaning you want.)
Dear Military Recruiter,
I've tried everything I possibly can to acquir
Dear Military Recruiter,
I've tried everything I possibly can to acquir
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