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Benita Posted 21 years ago
Summer Holidays
0 The term is over 02 br
00 Summer holidays begin, 02 br
00 Amidst peals of laughter and a lot of din. 02 br
00 A camping trip & a long trek, 02 br
00 Oh how exciting! 02 br
00 Our own tent we will make! 02 br
02 br
00 Cycling, swimming & skating too 02 br
00 Are among the other wonderful things we’ll do! 02 br
00 Drawing & painting with colours galore, 02 br
00 Enjoying our holidays more and more 02 br
02 br
00 A visit to the zoo, 02 br
00 Taking Bruno for a walk, 02 br
00 Reading a favourite Enid Blyton, 02 br
00 Playing with Ella in the park. 02 br
02 br
00 Soon the holidays come to an end 02 br
00 And we must go back to school again. 02 br
00 Though it makes us feel so blue 02 br
00 We know there’ll be another vacation very very soon. 0-
00 Summer holidays begin, 02 br
00 Amidst peals of laughter and a lot of din. 02 br
00 A camping trip & a long trek, 02 br
00 Oh how exciting! 02 br
00 Our own tent we will make! 02 br
02 br
00 Cycling, swimming & skating too 02 br
00 Are among the other wonderful things we’ll do! 02 br
00 Drawing & painting with colours galore, 02 br
00 Enjoying our holidays more and more 02 br
02 br
00 A visit to the zoo, 02 br
00 Taking Bruno for a walk, 02 br
00 Reading a favourite Enid Blyton, 02 br
00 Playing with Ella in the park. 02 br
02 br
00 Soon the holidays come to an end 02 br
00 And we must go back to school again. 02 br
00 Though it makes us feel so blue 02 br
00 We know there’ll be another vacation very very soon. 0-
Top answer
0 Quite light and brisk! Well done, Benita. ' -- the inversion is antiquated (and tents are erected or set up, not made, by campers) 02 br 02 br 00 'Though it makes us feel so blue' -- no one has 'felt blue' since my great-grandmother broke up with her beau; you should make a more comtemporary word choice.
- 0 Quite light and brisk!
- Well done, Benita.
- ' -- the inversion is antiquated (and tents are erected or set up, not made, by campers) 02 br 02 br 00 'Though it makes us feel so blue' -- no one has 'felt blue' since my great-grandmother broke up with her beau; you should make a more comtemporary word choice.
- 02 br 02 br 00 Also, get rid of the ampersands-- no, I changed my mind-- keep them: they add to the nimbleness of the piece.
- 0-
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2 Answers
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0 Quite light and brisk! Well done, Benita. 02 br
02 br
00 Since there is no regular meter, you do not have to force the lines, so I would fix these: 02 br
02 br
00 'Our own tent we will make!' -- the inversion is antiquated (and tents are erected or set up, not made, by campers) 02 br
02 br
00 'Though it makes us feel so blue' -- no one has 'fe
02 br
00 Since there is no regular meter, you do not have to force the lines, so I would fix these: 02 br
02 br
00 'Our own tent we will make!' -- the inversion is antiquated (and tents are erected or set up, not made, by campers) 02 br
02 br
00 'Though it makes us feel so blue' -- no one has 'fe
00
0 Hello Mister Micawber! Frankly speaking, I must thank you for pointing out in the other thread that poetry should be more of what we like rather than what we feel. 02 br
02 br
00 You are absolutely right when you say that while the poet tries to express what he/she feels, it might seem completely uninteresting to the reader. Almost all of my poems are written in first pers
02 br
00 You are absolutely right when you say that while the poet tries to express what he/she feels, it might seem completely uninteresting to the reader. Almost all of my poems are written in first pers
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