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Fizzi Posted 20 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Summary_sentence

Would somebody please help me with my sentence?

Studies have shown that doctors and patients are exposed to the negative impacts of pharmaceutical promotion. Therefore there is a need for effective controls of pharmaceutical promotion in every country worldwide.

Regards,

Dean
  

Top answer

Hello Dean, Your grammar is fine. ) The "Therefore, there" construction is awkward. Are "the negative impacts" already discussed?

— BarbaraPA

  • Hello Dean, Your grammar is fine.
  • ) The "Therefore, there" construction is awkward.
  • Are "the negative impacts" already discussed?
  • The "the" implies that they have been, but you said it's a topic sentence, so I think perhaps not.
  • Repeating "pharmeceutical promotion" probably isn't necessary.
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3 Answers
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Hello Dean,

Your grammar is fine. Here are some thoughts:

I would prefer "effects" to "impacts."

I think "every country" isn't necessary if you are saying "worldwide" (or vice versa.)

The "Therefore, there" construction is awkward.

Are "the negative impacts" already discussed? The "the" implies that they have been, but you said it's a topic sentence, s
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Hi Barbara,

Thanks for your comment and suggestion.

"Are "the negative impacts" already discussed? The "the" implies that they have been, but you said it's a topic sentence"

Yes, I already mentioned about that in a few paragraphs earlier.

Regards,

Dean
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In my opinion, I think repeating "pharmaceutical promotion" in the second sentence would add emphasis and maintain accuracy. Also, "control" without the 's' sounds better in this case. When the 's' isn't necessary for completeness, such as in this case where "control" doesn't necessarily imply a single means of control, it's commonplace to leave it out.

Take for instance, "Scientists in
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