summary

Question

Hi, could you have a look at the following summary? Are these confusing?

Short description
Chaos and confusion strike a village when a witch doctor is believed to have kept spiritual being suddenly passes away. Strange occurrences also happen and is said to be linked to a forgetful grave digger.

Long description
In a village, lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung who is believed to have kept a spiritual being. When Mak Betung suddenly passes away, chaos and confusion strike the village from the night she dies until her body is about to be buried. Many mysterious occurrences seem to be related to a forgetful grave digger called Tok Wan.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Chaos and confusion strike a village when a witch doctor who is believed to have kept putting spells on people ~~spiritual being~~ suddenly passes away. Strange occurrences also happen and are said to be linked to a forgetful grave digger.

In a village, no comma) lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who is believed to have kept putting spells on people. When Mak Betung suddenly passes away, chaos and confusion strike the village from the night she dies until her body is about to be buried. Many mysterious occurrences seem to be related to a forgetful grave digger called Tok Wan.

Jenn123 · Answer

Thank you, sir, for correcting my sentence. I have amended the short summary again after your points. Please give me a feedback is this summary confusing, thanks.

An unexpected strange things start happening when a witch doctor, Mak Betung puts spells on people suddenly passes away.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Unexpected strange things start happening when a witch doctor, Mak Betung, (You need the matching comma.) who (You need to make a relative clause to avoid confusion.) puts spells on people, (You need another comma that sets off the relative clause.)suddenly passes away.

This is the way to build such a complex sentence:
1. Unexpected strange things start happening when a witch doctor suddenly passes away.
2. Unexpected strange things start happening when a witch doctor, Mak Betung, suddenly passes away.
3. Unexpected strange things start happening when a witch doctor, who puts spells on people, suddenly passes away.
4. Unexpected strange things start happening when a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who puts spells on people, suddenly passes away.

Jenn123 · Answer

Ok, the reason why I usually don't practice to apply the word "who" is because, the sentence should continue with more story, example as below: (Usually I always get stuck with the word "who", still unsure how to use word "who" appropriately)

From a starving teenager who fought to feed his family, to becoming a boxing champion on the world stage, this documentary film takes you behind the scenes into the life of fighter, Manny Pacquiao.

Please take a look at the below amended long summary. Which one grammatically sounds good for you? Please let me know if you have any concern.
In a village lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who puts spells on people, suddenly passes away.Chaos and confusion strike the village from the night she dies until her body is about to be buried. Many mysterious occurrences seem to be related to a forgetful grave digger called Tok Wan.

In a village lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who is believed to puts spells on people. When Mak Betung suddenly passes away, chaos and confusion strike the village from the night she dies until her body is about to be buried. Many mysterious occurrences seem to be related to a forgetful grave digger called Tok Wan.
Ok, the reason why I usually don't practice to apply the word "who" is because, the sentence should continue with more story, example as below: (Usually I always get stuck with the word "who", still unsure how to use word "who" appropriately)

Please take a look at the below amended long summary. Which one grammatically sounds good for you? Please let me know if you have any concern.
In a village lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who puts spells on people, suddenly passes away.Chaos and confusion strike the village from the night she dies until her body is about to be buried. Many mysterious occurrences seem to be related to a forgetful grave digger called Tok Wan.

In a village lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who is believed to puts spells on people. When Mak Betung suddenly passes away, chaos and confusion strike the village from the night she dies until her body is about to be buried. Many mysterious occurrences seem to be related to a forgetful grave digger called Tok Wan.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Jenn123(Usually I always get stuck with the word "who", still unsure how to use word "who" appropriately)

"Who" can introduce a dependent clause.

Consider the difference:

Mary is my sister. (a complete sentence.)
who is tall (An incomplete sentence, a clause. It can be a question: Who is tall?)
Clauses can be added to sentences to make them more complex and interesting.

Mary, who is tall, is my sister.

Jenn123In a village lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who puts spells on people, suddenly passes away.Chaos and confusion strike the village from the night she dies until her body is about to be buried. Many mysterious occurrences seem to be related to a forgetful grave digger called Tok Wan.

In a village lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who puts spells on people, suddenly passes away.

That is a bad sentence.

Look at the clauses. You have to match a subject with a verb;
1. In a village lives a witch doctor. This is a good sentence.
Subject: witch doctor. Verb: lives.
2. Mak Betung, [who puts spells on people,] suddenly passes away. This is a good sentence.
There are two clauses.
Main clause: Mak Betung suddenly passes away.
subject: Mak Betung, verb: passes away
Relative clause:
who puts spells on people.
Subject: who verb: puts

You have mashed sentence 1 and sentence 2 together with a comma between them. This is not good.
When you put two sentences together, you need a conjunction (and, or, but). In this case, you need two separate sentences, because there are two different ideas.

1. In a village lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who puts spells on people.
2. Suddenly she passes away.

The second and third sentences are good.

Jenn123In a village lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who is believed to puts spells on people. When Mak Betung suddenly passes away, chaos and confusion strike the village from the night she dies until her body is about to be buried. Many mysterious occurrences seem to be related to a forgetful grave digger called Tok Wan.

In a village lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who is believed to put spells on people. (OK)

Jenn123 · Answer

Ok, I understood now. Thanks a lot for the explanation AlpheccaStars. It's really very useful for me. Now I able to differentiate them. Once again, thank you so much.

Jenn123 · Answer

The final summary will be as :
In a village lives a witch doctor, Mak Betung, who is believed to put spells on people. When Mak Betung suddenly passes away, chaos and confusion strike the village from the night she dies until her body is about to be buried. Many mysterious occurrences seem to be related to a forgetful grave digger called Tok Wan.

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