Suggestions to improve my motivation letter for PhD

Question

Hi all,Below is my motivation letter for PhD in france. My writing and convincing skills are not good enough. Please help me make it better. Corrections of the same and suggestions (new ideas)  will be highly appreciated. The deadline is 30tha april 2011 ! In the 2nd last para, i have taken a sentence from someone's letter who had posted in a similar forum. I think it deemed fit here.Dear Dr. XXXX, I am writing to express my great interest in applying for the PhD program in your research group. I  am a student of Masters in Molecular  & Cellular Biology at xxxx university , Paris.  As a part of my curriculum, I am currently pursuing  my internship in xxxx's Lab at the XXX Institute,  Amsterdam.I  went through your institute’s website and having reviewed the International Phd  program run by the institute, I believe I am a qualified candidate and would  like to apply. I have a fair background in the field of cancer sciences since  this has been my area of interest since my undergraduation. I aim to pursue my  thesis in cancer research and make this as my career in long-term.Due  to my everlasting interest in biology during high school, I opted for  Bachelor’s of Sciences with Zoology and Biotechnology as my major subjects. My  undergraduates programme introduced me to a wide spectrum of courses including  microbiology, biochemistry, genetics, immunology, cell biology, molecular  biology, biotechnology, and genetic engineering. This exposure to the field of  biotechnology motivated me to be a part of the latest cutting-edge research  that has, undoubtedly, been the strong foundation of our capability to treat  almost every human disease. My desire to be in an international environment to  pursue my goals made me decide to apply for my Masters in Life Sciences in  France. I was selected for the French Government Scholarship for the duration  of my Masters programme.I  started my masters in September 2009 at XXX univ , Grenoble,  France where I have dealt with courses in Molecular tools in medicine, Molecular  basis of human diseases, Methods of Study and Production of cells and proteins  of Medical Use. I successfully completed my internship at Institut Albert  Bonniot, Grenoble, France on a project titled “MYC gene knockdown by  Lentiviral mediated RNA interference in a plasmacytoid dendritic cell- acute leukemia  cell line”. The team had recently discovered a new translocation in  plasmacytoid dendritic cell acute leukemia (pDC-AL) and my work was to carry  out the knockdown of one of the genes upregulated (MYC gene) as a result of the  translocation, by Lentiviral mediated RNA interference. The further goals were  to investigate the effect of MYC gene knockdown on cell cycle and expression of  surface markers in pDC-AL cell line. During this internship I gained hands-on  experiences on various techniques like Flow Cytometry, RNA & DNA  extraction, Protein extraction & Purification, Cell culture techniques,  Transfection, Western blot, Immunofluorescence, RT-PCR.Cancer  research always fascinated me. This internship gave me a golden opportunity to  put my first footsteps into cancer research. I joined Pierre & Marie Curie  University, Paris to gain a deeper insight into the updated research in the  field of Molecular Medicine. My course here dealt with several aspects of  cancer like signaling pathways, Genetic & epigenetic alterations, chromatin  organization, therapeutic strategies, and molecules in clinic at present.In  January 2011, I joined XXXX's Lab at The Netherlands Cancer Institute  (NKI-AVL), Amsterdam. My current  project revolves around Oncogene-induced Senescence (OIS) and associated changes in gene expression of a specific set of  genes, whereby, we are studying the role of Genome and Nuclear Lamina  interactions in transcriptional deregulation during Oncogene-induced Senescence.  For this, we employ DamID, a novel technique developed by another group at NKI,  to study the changes in Lamina-associated domains (LADs) of genome. Thus, we are studying the LADs interactions with  Lamin B1 (core constituent of nuclear lamina) in an OIS setting. For this, I am  often using the basic cell culturing and molecular biology techniques to  validate several steps of my experiments. In addition, I am performing immunostaining  for LaminB1 in different OIS settings, stress-induced senescence and  replicative senescence to examine the nuclear lamina organization.I  find that the cancer research going in your lab suits my research interests as  well as my educational background. I undertook a course in experimental  oncology at NKI, that touches the diverse aspects of cancer biology. I would  like to benefit from this opportunity by using the knowledge that I have  acquired so far and be a part of the quality research conducted by your lab in  the domain of Cancer.Upon  going through information about the xxxxx institute”, I understand that the research at your institute involves  an extremely broad approach ranging from early molecular events in  carcinogenesis to the rapidly evolving domain of translational research.  Pursuing a PhD in such an interdisciplinary setting will be the most logical  extension of my academic pursuits. In the long run, my career goals after  completing PhD include joining a reputed university as a faculty member or a  post-doctoral research fellow. To accomplish these goals, I look forward to  undertaking research towards my doctoral degree in the unique international and  multidisciplinary scientific environment at XXXX, France.I  believe that I am a bright, hard-working and motivated individual who wishes to  gain the tools to innovate and improve the future of mankind. My decision to pursue  masters in French language motivated me to learn the language before the  commencement of my course in France. I am looking forward to learn a lot and  contribute my bit. I would be very thankful to you if you could provide me some  more information on your current research goals. I am  looking forward to hear from you.Yours  sincerelyShilpyThanks for helping !

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

I scanned through your letter. My impressions are that this is your first draft. You are looking for others to do the heavy lifting for you. I won't do that.

As an example, I look toward the end and I see, " I am looking forward to learn a lot and contribute my bit". Yeah, man, I totally get it. You're gonna go to class, learn lots of new interesting stuff, write a thesis, and do your bit.

Did you even bother to browse through some of the other posts? Did you see any good examples? Or did you just upload your early draft version without any more forethought?

That's the problem when you provide a half assed effort. You turn others off from helping you. You are obviously bright--you're going for a PhD. Yet, YOU can't be bothered to put forward a strong effort. You think others like me are going to hold your hand and spend several hours helping you. Wrong.

My consulting time is extraordinarily expensive. I can't even afford me.

Here's what I will do you for you:

Read these posts including the examples they contain:

They will at least point you in the right direction. Next, since you are at university, you have ample resources to assist you in writing your letter. If necessary, hire an English undergrad with strong writing skills. They can always use the extra money, and this application is important to you.

I tend to focus my efforts on those students who are not able to access great resources easily. They put forward their best effort throughout the process.

Shilpy.joshi · Answer

@Mountainbiker

Helo Sir,

Thanks for your instant reply. I appreciate that u invested some time in going through my letter and you are right this is my first draft. I apoligise for disappointing you. The problem is that I came to know about this particular Phd program very late, i tried to think a lot but could not come up with something better and the deadline is nearing. This is the first time I decided to take an outside help, before this I always wrote all my motivation letters myself and I guess they worked. I am also one of those people with limited resources.

Professors in France hardly speak english and so is the case with undergraduates. Your opinion already gives me an idea that this letter is not going to help me get admission in PhD. Thanks, otherwise I could have made the huge mistake of sending it. I will go through the suggested posts and come back soon with another version.

Regards
Shilpy

MountainHiker · Answer

This might sound mean and harsh. That is not my intent.

Because motivation letters take considerable time and effort, ten hours of my time is not uncommon, I simply can't stop everything I am doing to provide that much effort in a short period. As a student, you need to be prepared.

You have a few examples to look through. Make sure you don't use contractions--that is, "do not" use contractions. Write out numbers less than ten, except for dates. Keep your tone professional and courteous. Most of all, be brief, concise and focused.

If you learned of this PhD program late and you are of limited resources, my advice is this: Contact the university you want to apply to, talk to a person who can grant a brief extension, and then enlist your fellow classmates into helping you write your letter.

Your letter should be one to two pages, closer to one than to two. If you are sitting beside a person who understands your program, your PhD, your goals and you, you should be able to create this letter in an evening. Once you are done your letter, let it sit for a day or two before sending. Often, you'll find you want to make some small changes.

Some of the examples I have in my lessons should be beneficial.

Anonymous · Answer

@mountainhiker,

Hello Sir,

Could you please tell me what is the difference between a letter of motivation and a cover letter that is put along with the CV. I am applying to two kinds of PhD programmes

1) programmes with set application processes that ask of motivation letters

2) directly to labs ,(without knowing if there is position), with CV and cover letter.

So , I want to know if I could use my motivation letter as it is, or is there a different format of style of writing cover letters ?

Thanks for your reply.

Shilpy.

MountainHiker · Answer

The two letters you referenced are worlds apart. One is tailored to the university showing that you have general and specific attributes that demonstrate you are a suitable candidate for higher learning. And the second, is even shorter and more focused on the company's needs. So to answer your question, I would recommend using a different cover letter when applying directly to labs.

I am not sure if English Forums has examples of cover letters for companies. My guess is that it does. I hope somone can point you to them. You can also Google them.

Anonymous · Answer

Dear mountain hiker, this is my first draft. please tell me how i need to change it..??? please. and if u can provide ur email id, it'll b of great help..

Letter of motivation

Dear Professor,
I am writing to express my interest in the xxxxx School that is going to be conducted at University of Trieste. Presently, I am studying Master’s in Pharmaceutical Sciences from xxxx University, New Delhi, India and am working on ‘’Self-assembling lipid based nanoparticles as a drug delivery system for cancer chemotherapy’’ as my M. Pharm research project under the supervision of Dr. xxxxxxxx of Harvard Medical School. Our work focuses on designing new drug conjugates for synthesis of xxxxxxx supra-molecular nanoparticle for enhanced antitumor efficacy and reduced nephrotoxicity and we are performing this at one of his Delhi laboratories, viz. xxxxxx Oncology.
I went through some of the research work being carried out at *** while looking for information on the university website and found out that the research there mainly focuses on Neurobiology which fortunately matches my area of interest. Since the xxxxx school will provide an insight into this topic, attending it would undoubtedly benefit me in understanding the basics of Neurobiology. Besides it would also help me experience research environment at the institute as I have also applied for PhD in department of neurobiology at xxxxx. The fact that xxxxx is very well known for neurobiology and University of Trieste is itself one of the best in Italy, I firmly believe that I can contribute a lot to this field by being its part.
Although my specialty of research in Master’s was mainly nanotechnology and drug delivery in cancer, I have also been trained in neurological disease modelling and behavioural testing for Alzheimer’s, migraine, epilepsy and stroke in rats and mice, under the supervision of Prof. xxxxxx, Head of pharmacology, All India Institute of Medical Sciences. In addition to this I have also attended the Summer Undergraduate Research Program at Delhi University under the supervision of Dr.xxxxxx where I did a population study on the genotypic pattern of xxxxxx gene polymorphism in patients with essential hypertension. The laboratory I am doing my M. Pharm research right now is founded by Dr xxxxxx, wherein he has migrated a team of scientists from Harvard, MIT, Hopkins, U. Zurich and UCLA to work on this project to launch in India which is based on a technology that formulates xxxxxx to show a pH dependent release with a complete bypass of the kidney. Being passionate for research from the very beginning and then a chance to work with this team of world class researchers, not only have I imbibed research etiquette but have actually learnt some new technologies of Nano science to perfection. Organisation, planning and a systematic approach to different problems is something I have discovered new in my personality which has helped me to become a better research student. I also find myself sufficiently exposed to various laboratory environments enabling me to adjust better in a new work culture.
Now that my Master’s is about to be over and since I have found myself focused and consistent about my interest in research, I thereby find myself capable of the candidature and apply to be a part of the xxxxxx school.
Please find herewith, my Curriculum Vitae for your reference.

Yours sincerely,
SU

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