Suggestions for eliminating "I".

Question

I'd like some general tips for removing excessive use of "I".

Also, the four sentences below use "I" three times, which is excessive. The sentences also seem weak. I'd like any suggestions on improving them. The first sentence (I've always enjoyed) starts a new paragraph.

I've always enjoyed writing and already had 12 articles published in the local paper. I recently submitted a paper to the 'Journal Name'. The paper discussed improving engineering schools. The second half concluded that students need more exposure to work environment communication. I have contacted two faculty from School Name who are both positive about my writing efforts while in graduate school.
Thanks,
Brett

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]I'd like some general tips for removing excessive use of "I". Also, the four sentences below use "I" three times, ... I have contacted two faculty from School Name who are both positive about my writing efforts while in graduate school.[/nq]
Substitute "one" for "I."
Gary Eickmeier

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I'd like some general tips for removing excessive use of "I". Also, the four sentences below use "I" three times, ... contacted two faculty from School Name who are both positive about my writing efforts while in graduate school. Thanks, Brett[/nq]
Cut the first phrase nobody cares whether you enjoy it or not. And then do it this way:
"I've had twelve articles published in the 'Name Paper,' and recently submitted an article to the 'Journal Name' in which I discussed improving engineering schools by exposing students more to work environment communication. Two graduate faculty members from 'School Name' will attest to the quality of my writing."
What you most need to do is learn to write precisely, and not waste words.
Carter Jefferson
http://carterj.homestead.com/

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]I'd like some general tips for removing excessive use of ... about my writing efforts while in graduate school. Thanks, Brett[/nq]
[nq:1]Cut the first phrase nobody cares whether you enjoy it or not. And then do it this way: "I've had twelve ... the quality of my writing." What you most need to do is learn to write precisely, and not waste words.[/nq]
I agree. Beside college courses, which are scarce in this area, do you have any recommendations for improving?
Thanks,
Brett

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]I'd like some general tips for removing excessive use of ... both positive about my writing efforts while in graduate school.[/nq]
[nq:1]Substitute "one" for "I."[/nq]
He's only joshing you. Please be reassured that there is no problem with using the word "I" three times in a paragraph. (My version, below, has five "I's".) And don't let such a preoccupation divert you from the real problems and/or create additional ones.
I have (1) always enjoyed writing; I have (2) already had twelve (3) articles published in my local newspaper. I recently submitted a paper to the (Journal Name) which (4) discusses (5) ways of improving (6) engineering schools. In it (7) I (8) conclude that students need more exposure to work-environment communication. (9) I have been in contact with (10) two faculty members (11) from (School Name), both of whom have commented favorably about my writing. (12/13)
1. Be consistent in your use of contractions.
2. Replace the "I" with "and" if you must, but the "have" is needed.
3. Write in words.
4. Didn't you notice the three "papers"?
5. Use the present tenses to make your achievements feel current.
6. "Discussed improving schools" is ambiguous.
7. Is "the second half" important information?
8. Don't hide your light under a bushel.
9. I would add another one of your conclusions, or put "among other things"after "conclude". If you really want to avoid "I", try starting the sentence with "Among its conclusions is that..."

10. "I have contacted" doesn't suggest to me that they've seen your work.
11. "Two faculty" is cant.
12. "Efforts"?
13. I don't think it's necessary to say when the writing took place, but byall means add it back in.
Adrian

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]The The paper[/nq]
[nq:2]Cut the first phrase nobody cares whether you enjoy it or ... do is learn to write precisely, and not waste words.[/nq]
[nq:1]I agree. Beside college courses, which are scarce in this area, do you have any recommendations for improving? Thanks, Brett[/nq]
I doubt that college courses would help, unless you 're lucky in your professor.
The way I learned was to do exercises. Write a story that involves a car crash in no more than 300 words. Or write an article about the proper use of an umbrella, the nature of silence, the power of prayer in 200 words. Or a description of a fight, a mountain road, a big ship, anything you choose, in a limited number of words. First, simply write the thing you'll find it's too long. Then go over it carefully, cutting useless words, finding one word that will do for two, cutting words and sentences, adverbs and adjectives, that aren't needed. Don't give yourself over 300 words.
That way worked so well for me that now I get accused of writing things that are too short.
If you want, do one like that and send it to me by private mail I'll try to help.
Best of luck nothing about writing is easy.
Carter
Carter Jefferson
http://carterj.homestead.com/

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]The The paper I agree. Beside college courses, which are scarce in this area, do youhave any recommendations for improving? Thanks, Brett[/nq]
[nq:1]I doubt that college courses would help, unless you 're lucky in your professor. The way I learned was to ... too short. If you want, do one like that and send it to me by private mail I'll try to help.[/nq]
I will take you up on that offer.
Thanks,
Brett

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]The The paper[/nq]
[nq:2]Substitute "one" for "I."[/nq]
[nq:1]He's only joshing you. Please be reassured that there is no problem with using the word "I" three times in ... contact with (10) two faculty members (11) from (School Name), both of whom have commented favorably about my writing. (12/13)[/nq]
This is very helpful. Thanks.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I have (1) always enjoyed writing; I have (2) already had twelve (3) articles published in my local newspaper. ... of contractions. 2. Replace the "I" with "and" if you must, but the "have" is needed. 3. Write in words.[/nq]
I agree with the last point myself I try to avoid using numerals wherever a number's mantissa can be expressed with a single word but I thought it should be mentioned that many style manuals (perhaps even most, especially N.Am. ones) call for all numbers greater than ten to be written in numerals.

Odysseus

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]I have (1) always enjoyed writing;[/nq]
This line has been criticised by Carter, but not only is it a good lead-in to this section, most people whose job it is to read this kind of screed do appreciate information about passions and motivations.
[nq:2]I recently submitted a paper to the (Journal Name) which (4) discusses (5) ways of improving (6)[/nq]
[nq:1]engineering schools.[/nq]
I guess this is a little ambiguous, so how about: "I recently submitted a paper to (journal name) in which I discuss ways of improving engineering schools." This can be tagged on to the previous sentence in the way that Carter suggests, but to tag on the next sentence as well is too much.
[nq:2]3. Write in words.[/nq]
I understand Odysseus's point, but I'd say that, in this context, commonly used numbers like 11, 12, 20 and 30 should definitely be written as words.
[nq:2]4. Didn't you notice the three "papers"?[/nq]
[nq:1]What do you mean three papers?[/nq]
You used the word "paper" three times in one line of text.
[nq:2]10. "I have contacted" doesn't suggest to me that they've seen yourwork.[/nq]
[nq:1]They haven't. I contacted them to see how supportive they are of graduate students writing for publication.[/nq]
Therefore my version of the sentence is not applicable. How about replacing "commented favorably about" with "shown/expressed/voiced support for". Or, simply: "My writing efforts are supported by two (school name) faculty members."
Adrian

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]I'd like some general tips for removing excessive use of ... already had 12 articles published in the local paper. [/nq]
[nq:1]Substitute "one" for "I."[/nq]
No, no. Use the passive voice. That's what it's for. I mean, that's for what it is.
"Writing has always been enjoyed by me and already 12 articles have been had published by me in the local paper." Etcetera.

\P. Schultz

Suggestions for eliminating "I".

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