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Hello everyone, below I have attached an essay. The topic of the essay is given below. I will highly appreciate if you correct my mistakes accurately and rank the essay out of 9. It will also be very helpful for me if you provide some suggestions like how can I improve my writing skills more. Thanks in advance.
Topic:
People attend school for many different reasons (for example, expanded knowledge, and enhanced interpersonal relationships). Why do you think people decide to go to school? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Answer:

Since the dawn of modern civilization, People attend different types of schools. It is commonly seen that people who go regularly to school not only have greater possibility to shine in life but also have expanded knowledge, social awareness and enhanced interpersonal relationships. It is agreed that people attend school for diverse reasons like get rid of unemployment and develope sociability by means of co-operation. Firstly educated people have more chance to get a job. For example, 99 percent cases people who have educational qualification get higher salary comparing to unemployed people. Because of education, they are employed; as a result longer lasting poverty can be diminished. As my example shows, educated persons have more possibility to get a job comparing to unemployed persons. In addition to this, school education can make people more sociable and gregarious. For instance, one of my friends became gloomy because he didn’t know how to communicate with other people of different age. On the other hand, people who regularly attend school are amicable most of the cases. Because of this friendly relationship people can achieve amazing communication skills that actually make people more sociable. As a result of this, person to person relationship can be built easily.
Following this, look at how schooling can help people get rid of longer lasting poverty and enhance communication skills, it has been shown that people attend school to get a job and to increase enhanced interpersonal relationships. Thus going to school is highly recommended for everybody as it is beneficial to all.

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How To To Learn The Basics To Ote’a?

Ever since I was young, I have always wanted to be a good dancer in Polynesian dancing. Although I learned and practiced all of them, I had much love in learning Ote’a. It is a traditional dance from Tahiti and is recognized by its fast hip-shaking and grass skirts. It’s often confused with the Hawaiian hula, a generally slower more graceful dance which focuses more on the hands and storytelling than the hips. Growing up, I’ve been in so many dance groups that helped me become better in dancing. In order to learn the basics to Ote’a you should follow my nine steps because it's fun and quite simple.

As a child growing up, I danced for Lauaga Ifo nu’a and Mate2mana. Both of which taught all of the Polynesian dances which are Samoan, Tongan, Hawaiian, Maori, Fijian, and Tahitian. They mainly focused on Tahitian because of its world famous image and the beautiful sound of the fast beat rhythm through the drums. In Tahitian dancing, there are four types of dances: Ote’a, which is choreographed around a theme and its musical background is performed on percussion and made up of rhythmical patterns called pehe, Aparima which can be either vava (silent) and generally performed while kneeling, and it can be sung, Hivinau when male and female dancers wend round in a circle, and lastly Pa’o’a which is a dance that seems to be derived from the movements used to make tapa(a sort of material). Male and female dancers crouch down in a semi-circle. Most of these dances aren’t very known except Ote’a.

In high school, I had the chance to teach a Tahitian number. As the president of the Polynesian club, I mainly focused on ways to give back to the community, to make sure my board was doing there jobs, and attend various of meetings.We had been the most known club with lots of members in school because of our dancing especially in tahitian. I had the opportunity to teach a room filled of young women an Ote’a dance for an upcoming assembly. I can say I got great feedback on the performance and was later informed that we were invited to participate in a tahitian competition, which was great news for us. These nine steps will help you achieve the basics in Ote’a .

Step 1: Before bending, make sure you stretch your legs because you will be constantly bending them and controlling your balance and pace. You’ll be Bending your knees a lot in every movement and also keeping your shoulders still. Make sure you're feet are side to side touching each other.

Step 2: First we learn the Ami! Push your hips out in a very smooth circle from left to back then right to front. This movements will be continuous and should be slow and smooth circles. Remember your shoulders are still, and your upper body shouldn’t be moving very much. Please take your time to go through it

Step 3: Next is TairiTamau! Bend knees and again STILL shoulders. Push your right knee back causing your right hip to softly jut out to the right. Now the left knee causing your left hip to jut out to the left. Alternate Left, right, left, right smooth not sharp.

Step 4: Tairi Tama is very similar to step 3, but it's' sharp and can become faster. Snap your right and then left knee back making hips to snap left and right. Keep shoulders still and knees bent.

Step 5: Varu is a figure 8. Slowly and smoothly push your right hip out to the front and around to the right then back right into the left hip moving forward around to the left and back then right again in a continuous figure 8 with hips.

Step 6: Otamu is a box. Snap your hip to the front right then back right then left back and left front. Pretend you are standing in a box. Your hips should hit each corner one at a time. 1,2,3,4!

Step 7: Now for the most important and difficult step. Fa'arapu! This is the very fast impressive move you gawk at when you watch a Luau. Everyone has a naturally more comfortable direction that their hips naturally like to move in. My hips love to go clock-wise but counter clock-wise is very difficult for me. So begin again by bending your knees and keeping shoulders very still. Push your hips out in a smooth circle (ami) then go faster and faster and faster. Try the other direction. Make sure your circle is consistent all the way around, and you are not jutting your bottom out or favoring one side. Keep practicing!!

Step 8: Now teki! try all steps on your tiptoes.

Step 9: Now bend your knees so your bottom is just above your heels and do all steps.

After dancing for so long, it's only natural that I had share lifetime bonds with those I shared the stage with and also those I represented. It goes to say that Tahitian dance is more than a source of entertainment. It's a good way to be involved in the community and have fun dancing. I can guarantee that performing in front of people has made me a bolder person because it can be a person's fear. Knowing how much time was spent in practicing tahitian has really payed off because I can say that I know how to do Tahitian dance and also teach it.

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