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Anonymous Posted 14 years ago
Grammar
Stylistic commas/semicolons and equal-weight lists
I have a question about punctuation in fiction.
I'm editing a story (of my own) and while I like the rhythm of this sentence, the punctuation looks bizarre to me:
"The knives were expensive, and she takes good care of them, keeps them sharp."
That comma after "them" is bugging me. However, I'm not sure how else to punctuate this. I'm trying to preserve equal emphasis and equal weight between "takes good care of them" and "keeps them sharp," so I am reluctant to use either a dash or a colon in place of the comma (which was a friend's suggestion), because it puts "takes good care of them" at a different level from "keeps them sharp" (i.e., it makes "keeps them sharp" into an example of taking care of them, which is not actually what the sentence means in context; she is taking care of them because they were expensive, but she is keeping them sharp because she might need them for violent purposes).
I know that writing around the problem is always an option, but if it's possible to punctuate this in a less jarring and more standard way, but still maintain the parity between those two clauses, I would prefer to do that.
Any suggestions?
I'm editing a story (of my own) and while I like the rhythm of this sentence, the punctuation looks bizarre to me:
"The knives were expensive, and she takes good care of them, keeps them sharp."
That comma after "them" is bugging me. However, I'm not sure how else to punctuate this. I'm trying to preserve equal emphasis and equal weight between "takes good care of them" and "keeps them sharp," so I am reluctant to use either a dash or a colon in place of the comma (which was a friend's suggestion), because it puts "takes good care of them" at a different level from "keeps them sharp" (i.e., it makes "keeps them sharp" into an example of taking care of them, which is not actually what the sentence means in context; she is taking care of them because they were expensive, but she is keeping them sharp because she might need them for violent purposes).
I know that writing around the problem is always an option, but if it's possible to punctuate this in a less jarring and more standard way, but still maintain the parity between those two clauses, I would prefer to do that.
Any suggestions?
Top answer
I see nothing wrong with your comma; it seems to me to preserve that balance you seek. In received syntax, however, you have created a comma-splice error, so that may be what worries you. " "The knives were expensive.
- I see nothing wrong with your comma; it seems to me to preserve that balance you seek.
- In received syntax, however, you have created a comma-splice error, so that may be what worries you.
- " "The knives were expensive.
- "
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1 Answers
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I see nothing wrong with your comma; it seems to me to preserve that balance you seek. In received syntax, however, you have created a comma-splice error, so that may be what worries you. These are other options:
"The knives were expensive: she takes good care of them and keeps them sharp."
"The knives were expensive—and she takes good care of them and keeps them sharp."
"The kn
"The knives were expensive: she takes good care of them and keeps them sharp."
"The knives were expensive—and she takes good care of them and keeps them sharp."
"The kn
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