Story draft

Question

Hello, I'm writing a story.
Could anybody please correct or tell me if this paragraph is correctly written?

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SAY HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE MEETING NOW

I still feel a little surprised and excited about that moment because my brother and I have been following the band for years. Although we stopped doing it, we never imagined shaking hands and chatting with them so closely.

Many thanks in advance..

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hi djdima;

Welcome to the Forums.

Here are some comments:

I still feel a little surprised and excited about that moment (the moment we met them?) because my brother and I had ~~have~~ (use past perfect because the action is completed in the past.) been following the band for years. Although we stopped doing it (doing what? I'm not sure what it refers to.) , we never imagined shaking hands and chatting with them ~~so closely~~. (You have to be close to shake hands.)

Djdima · Answer

Thank you so much for correcting!
I'm writing a story about meeting someone famous and I've just finished it...

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I still feel a little surprised and excited about that moment because my brother and I have been following the band for years. Although we stopped doing it, we never imagined shaking hands and chatting with them so closely.

I’d done some housework and I was watching TV, when my brother suggested going to the Sheraton Hotel, which is quite near my house, to wait for Korn members’ arrival from the airport. He heard that they were going to stay there before their concert. I was skeptical at first, but my brother insisted, so we finally went.

When we got there, only a few fans were waiting for the band. We’d been waiting outside the hotel for about 45 minutes and even thought about leaving, when a black car stopped and two guys got out. Korn’s bassist and guitar player were there! (I'M DOUBTFUL ABOUT THIS PHRASE) The band we‘ve been watching on video clips for so long were finally in front of us! My brother and I were so amazed that we could barely move or speak. I was so impressed and nervous that I could hardly take a picture because my hands didn’t stop shaking! Besides, we realised that we rushed to the hotel so quickly that we forgot to bring a pen and a piece of paper for their autographs. Fortunately, a nice guy borrowed us his pen although the band members could only sign on my brother’s T-shirt.

After that incredible moment, we stayed for a while despite being late at night when soon afterwards another member came out! This time he was with the musical equipment crew (I'M DOUBTFUL ABOUT THIS SENTENCE TOO) so the fans, my brother and I chatted with them. We were more calmed and took many more pictures with them.

Despite their fame they have kept their feet on the ground all the time. They were really nice and quite chatty, as well. Musically speaking, Korn is an American rock metal band formed in 1993.

I’ll never forget that day because it was something totally unexpected and exciting at the same time. Meeting someone famous that you’ve seen on TV for years doesn’t happen often. Plus, it’s a moment my brother and I will share forever.

If you could please correct the whole story, I'd be totally grateful...

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Hi djdima;

I already gave you some suggestions on the first paragraph.

I’d done some housework and I was watching TV, when my brother suggested going to the Sheraton Hotel, which is quite near my house, to wait for Korn members’ arrival from the airport. He heard that they were going to stay there before their concert. I was skeptical at first, but my brother insisted, so we finally went.
When we got there, only a few fans were waiting for the band. We’d been waiting outside the hotel for about 45 minutes and even thought about leaving, when a black car stopped and two guys got out. Korn’s bassist and guitar player were there! (I'M DOUBTFUL ABOUT THIS PHRASE it's fine.) The band we‘d been watching on video clips for so long were finally in front of us! My brother and I were so amazed that we could barely move or speak. I was so impressed and nervous that I could hardly take a picture because my hands didn’t stop shaking! Besides, we realised that we had rushed to the hotel so quickly that we had forgotten to bring a pen and a piece of paper for their autographs. Fortunately, a nice guy lent (borrow is the opposite) ~~borrowed~~ us his pen although the band members could only sign on my brother’s T-shirt.
After that incredible moment, we stayed for a while despite it being late at night but ~~when~~ soon afterwards another member came out! This time he was with the musical equipment crew, (I'M DOUBTFUL ABOUT THIS SENTENCE TOO it's fine) so the fans, my brother and I chatted with them. We were ~~more~~ calmer and took many more pictures of ~~with~~ them.

Despite their fame, they have kept their feet on the ground all the time. They were really nice and quite chatty, as well. Musically speaking, Korn is an American rock metal band formed in 1993.

I’ll never forget that day because it was something totally unexpected and exciting at the same time. Meeting someone famous that you’ve seen on TV for years doesn’t happen often. Plus, it’s a moment my brother and I will share forever.

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