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Cillian4 Posted 22 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Story
Hello, everyone I am glad I found this website. I love to write, but my grammar is poor and
I need someone to tell me where my error are here a story I am working on below this message.
Prologue
"Why can't we kill the old geezer now, Mary?" Billy asked his lover
standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing a black chauffeur uniform.
"Because I said so! lower your voice you want him to hear
us,"she said while chopping the steak into pieces then she put
the meat into a pot of steaming vegetables. She adjusted her
uniform she did this frequently, the old man didn't like the help
to look sloppy.Evan Hawking insisted she wear the uniform even after
seventeen years he never relented on anything especially on his employee.
"He can't hear upstairs...Beside he almost deaf asnyway,"
he said taking a long sharp knife from the kitchen cupboard he started to
rub it slowly against his face. Mary let out a long sigh it was getting
harder to control him especially after the incident with the old man cat.
I need someone to tell me where my error are here a story I am working on below this message.
Prologue
"Why can't we kill the old geezer now, Mary?" Billy asked his lover
standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing a black chauffeur uniform.
"Because I said so! lower your voice you want him to hear
us,"she said while chopping the steak into pieces then she put
the meat into a pot of steaming vegetables. She adjusted her
uniform she did this frequently, the old man didn't like the help
to look sloppy.Evan Hawking insisted she wear the uniform even after
seventeen years he never relented on anything especially on his employee.
"He can't hear upstairs...Beside he almost deaf asnyway,"
he said taking a long sharp knife from the kitchen cupboard he started to
rub it slowly against his face. Mary let out a long sigh it was getting
harder to control him especially after the incident with the old man cat.
Top answer
Dark dark... I like. Ok a few corrections: Billy asked his lover standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing a black chauffeur uniform.
- Dark dark...
- I like.
- Ok a few corrections: Billy asked his lover standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing a black chauffeur uniform.
- (Who is wearing the uniform?
- is it the woman?
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3 Answers
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Dark dark... I like.
Ok a few corrections:
Billy asked his lover
standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing a black chauffeur uniform.
(Who is wearing the uniform? is it the woman? if so then you could write:
Billy asked as he looked at his lover standing in the middle of the kitchen dressed in her chauffeur's uniform
Or even simpler:
Ok a few corrections:
Billy asked his lover
standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing a black chauffeur uniform.
(Who is wearing the uniform? is it the woman? if so then you could write:
Billy asked as he looked at his lover standing in the middle of the kitchen dressed in her chauffeur's uniform
Or even simpler:
00
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