stay back

Question

Though there's nothing much she can do to help, talking to her does help make me feel better. She has been busy organizing a teambuilding event for her team. A few weeks ago, she went to China to check out a hotel. It was pretty cheesy, she said. But since they were on a budget, she took it. Yesterday, she had to stay back until almost midnight to prepare for the event. She has been really busy, not only with the teambuilding but also with administration work that a colleague of her has passed to her after joining the sales team. At times, I pity her. She rarely gets off at 6 these days. I admire her determination though she complains to me from time to time.

Are there any mistakes?
Thanks.

Avangi · Accepted Answer

New2grammarThough there's nothing much she can do to help, talking to her does help make me feel better. She has been busy organizing a teambuilding event for her team. A few weeks ago, she went to China to check out a hotel. It was pretty cheesy, she said. But since they were on a budget, she took it. Yesterday, she had to stay back until almost midnight to prepare for the event. She has been really busy, not only with the teambuilding but also with ~~administration~~ administrative work that a colleague of ~~her~~ hers has passed to her after joining the sales team. At times, I pity her. She rarely gets off at 6 these days. I admire her determination though she complains to me from time to time.

You make us struggle to figure out what your problem is. After a while we get the idea that maybe you feel sorry for yourself because she's so busy she neglects you. Or is your problem that you feel guilty because you can't do anything to help lighten her load? I think it would require a lot of skill to say, "nothing she can do to help" (HELP WITH WHAT??) and then gradually reveal what the problem is.

they were on a budget (her team??)

she took it (the hotel??)

stay back (not a US expression - work over, stay over, work late, they kept me over, etc.)

has passed to her after joining the sales team - This is probably okay, but I prefer "had passed." Passing and joining are both acts which have been completed at some past time prior to her having been really busy with administrative work. (I'm too tired for this.) You have two present perfect tenses, has passed and has been busy. One was completed before the other. Both were preceded by the joining. I guess that's okay, but "had passed to her" sounds better to my ear. (I know there's no simple past to reference the past perfect. Oh well.)

- A.

New2grammar · Answer

Wow. I thought the post had gone to what you would call far far land. Thanks for checking it

Your guesses are all correct. Sorry that the writing is not as smooth as I wanted.

This is correct:

Avangimaybe you feel sorry for yourself because she's so busy she neglects you

Thanks, Avangi.

Avangi · Answer

I think my point was that if you're going to make the reader guess, you have to plan your steps very carefully.  Otherwise, be more explicit.    - A.

New2grammar · Answer

Thanks, Avangi. I didn't want to be too explicit. But doing so made the writing unclear as you said the story didn't develop properly.

Avangi · Answer

BTW, in AmE "stay back" is very common as a warning when something dangerous may be about to happen. (same as "stand back!")  It's also used when someone has to repeat a grade in elementary school.  "I was not promoted to the fourth grade.  The teacher made me stay back."

New2grammar · Answer

Thanks, Avangi.

stay back

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