Statement of Purpose, please please help me to correct, MSC Financial Engineering.

Statement of Purpose

Finance has always fascinated me right from my undergraduate studies. My interest in finance has gradually grown in me since I was a sophomore. Since then I attended additional course in Engineering Economic and Management, which aroused in me a keen appreciation of the discipline of finance. I have always enjoyed and been strong in area that require problem solving, analytical and mathematical skills, I am zealous to combine the knowledge of, and aptitude for, these skills with my interest in finance.
In my sophomore summer, Part time employment for a half month as sale representative for the international market with one of the top leading Thai fashion exporting companies, Strong Waves Company, has been a rewarding experience. My responsibilities include contacting and approaching prospective customers at the Thailand international fashion fair (Biff&Bil). These efforts have paid off as is evident from the long list of satisfied and regular clients. Their feedback to the company has resulted in the high return on sales. All of these have led me to aspire to a interested in the field of business and finace.
Three months as a summer intern with ISUZU (Thailand) gave me a unique opportunities to work in a large organization. I was assigned to design and revise a production project, the improvement of sub-production line, with financial constraint. I had recommended appropriate changes for improving the performance in production line of the company. My study emphasized competitiveness with respect to cost structure pricing policies and qualities. This has helped me to understand the impact of globalization on market scenario and importance of being efficient to maintain competitive advantage. I am happy to say that a number of suggestions have been gratified the company. By this employment has not only given me a sound and firm grounding in finance but also taught me the invaluable skill to manage, lead and collaborate effectively with people. It also developed in me the abilities to analyze problem from a business perspective keeping in mind the constraints and limitations of the real world.
In addition, my research topic for my senior year, as a group of four classmates project work, was on the title "XY linkage plotter; Linkage manipulator". I, as a head of the team, had involved and been responsibly in structure and mechanism design together with electronic system and computer programming, which are my cup of tea. The programming involved with controlling and position calculations which conduce towards further self-studied in MatLab and LabView. This project helped a lot in consolidating my calculation and programming skills, such as Finite Element Method, Differential Equation, MatLab and LabView. The project was particularly fulfilling because I learnt various aspects such as working under time and cost constraints and analyzing and quantifying the subjectivity of certain response. It also inculcated in me problem solving and analytical abilities.
Motivated to learn more, after my graduation, I had given myself a seat in business analysis training course at Chulalongkorn University, my undergraduate university. During training I developed a strong penchant for quantitative-oriented subjects like Financial Analysis, Investment Analysis, and Business Risk Analysis. I learnt the basic principle in financial theory. This training, thus, helped me crystallize my goals as I decided to make a career in Business and Financial World.
Well-progressed academic performance during my undergrad studies, active participation in academic as well as extra-curricular activities and par-time work experience has helped to develop strong quantitative and analytical abilities and good leadership and communication skills. These have prepared me to handle complex problem and have given me the confidence to pursue graduate studies.
In the future I see myself, as a finance professional, to obtain a rigorous, demanding and rewarding position in this profession. To achieve my career goals, I would like to gain exposure to the latest practices adopted in the field of financial mathematic. To this end I would want to work with a leading investment bank or in the treasury of a commercial bank, which would enable me to help corporations manage their risks and make the right financial decision that will result in economic stability and high return. I would like to bring this acquired expertise back to Thailand to help companies in my home country.
I believe that my educational background has instilled in me the quatities required to meet the rigor of this demanding profession. Graduation in engineering has provided a strong foundation in mathematics and computer programming, also equipped with the problem solving and analytical skill requires to excel in the demanding profession of finance. Along with my strong personal characters, which are diligent person, hard working, eager to learn and to process, and persevering young fellow. I dream high and work hard to achieve my goals.
I strongly feel that Financial Mathematic program at Cass Business School, City University, is highly structured program because it provides the right balance between theory and practice. Also its outstanding faculty and research facilities emphasis on a collaborative learning environment, flexibility in curriculum and a global perspective to various key issues. I hope to become a part of this dynamic culture which will give me a leading edge to work effectively in diverse teams and situations.
I hope my background and qualifications are found suitable for admission to Finance Mathematic at Cass Business School, City University. I would consider it an honor if I could study at City University and assure you that I will put in my utmost effort into this domain.

very very Thank you, for your kindness helping me correct this sop...