0
Angliholic Posted 16 years ago
Grammar
Starry Sky on a Silent Night
Starry Sky on a Silent Night
After a heavy rain, the stars in the serene sky are shedding down mysterious light on earth. It's so tranquil everywhere that the black night is a bit cold and scary. All living things are sleeping and hushed under a sky of stars shining out blue light, and revealing people's ever-lasting dream.
Hi,
The above is an English rendition I made from a Chinese song. Correct me if there is anything that doesn't flow well. Thanks.
After a heavy rain, the stars in the serene sky are shedding down mysterious light on earth. It's so tranquil everywhere that the black night is a bit cold and scary. All living things are sleeping and hushed under a sky of stars shining out blue light, and revealing people's ever-lasting dream.
Hi,
The above is an English rendition I made from a Chinese song. Correct me if there is anything that doesn't flow well. Thanks.
Top answer
To me, the underlined parts seem too casual and chatty for the style you seem to be attempting: "After a heavy rain, the stars in the serene sky are shedding down mysterious light on earth. It's so tranquil everywhere that the black night is a bit cold and scary . " Regardless of register, "tranquil" does not fit with "scary".
- To me, the underlined parts seem too casual and chatty for the style you seem to be attempting: "After a heavy rain, the stars in the serene sky are shedding down mysterious light on earth.
- It's so tranquil everywhere that the black night is a bit cold and scary .
- " Regardless of register, "tranquil" does not fit with "scary".
- Do you mean "dream" or "dreams"?
- I don't see the need for the comma in the last sentence.
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
4 Answers
0
To me, the underlined parts seem too casual and chatty for the style you seem to be attempting:
"After a heavy rain, the stars in the serene sky are shedding down mysterious light on earth. It's so tranquil everywhere that the black night is a bit cold and scary. All living things are sleeping and hushed under a sky of stars shining out blue light, and revealing peop
"After a heavy rain, the stars in the serene sky are shedding down mysterious light on earth. It's so tranquil everywhere that the black night is a bit cold and scary. All living things are sleeping and hushed under a sky of stars shining out blue light, and revealing peop
00
After a heavy rain, the stars in the serene sky shed mysterious light upon the earth. It's so tranquil everywhere that the black night is a bit cold and frightening. All living things are hushed and asleep under a sky of stars shining blue and revealing our everlasting dream.
00
Thanks, Mr Wordy, for pointing out the words that don't sound good.
Best regards,
Best regards,
00
Related Questions