Speech Analysis Essay

Okay first off, English is my first language, so I would like to ask if I would be out of line to ask for help here, or if it's specifically for English as a Second Language...

If it's okay that I post here, I would like to ask a few questions about how to better my essay. There are certain things throughout my essay my teacher would like me to change, but I really don't know how to write it any better than I already have. Let me know if it's okay to post my essay here and ask for specific suggestions.