Sorry I haven't time to look at this in detail. However, I note that you need an introductory paragraph to introduce the topic, to state your overall position, and to explain your overall approach in the following body paragraphs. Clive
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CliveI don't see a clear and prominent statement as to whether you agree or disagree with the topic statement.Thank you for your comment,Clive.
Clivebut it makes the essay sound rather odd if you simply argue for, and then against. It's unusual not to be asked to take a position.I agree with totally. In fact I too felt that. I will take it up the examination department.
CliveTo my mind, it would be more interesting if you discussed the pro and con