Soup tales

0I was eating soup at a restaurant the other night when I dropped my spoon. A waiter walking past at that moment immediately produced one from his pocket and placed it before me. "Do you always carry a soup spoon in your pocket?" I asked. "Well sir," he said, "We had an efficiency expert give a lecture here last week and he told us that 30 percent of all diners who order soup drop their spoons. So rather than make such frequent trips back to the silverware station he advised us to all carry soup spoons to save time." I had to agree it made sense in an odd sort of way. During dessert I noticed the same waiter walk by, and there was a string dangling from his fly. I motioned him over and discreetly pointed it out. "Thank you sir." he said. "This is part of the efficiency program as well. You see, the other end of the string is attached to my, um, privates. When we male waiters need to pee, we just unzip our fly, use the loose end of the string to pull ourselves out, and pee without ever touching anything. Therefore we don't have to wash our hands and it saves about a minute each time." I thought about this for a moment then asked him, "But how do you get yourself back in your pants?" "I don't know what the other waiters do sir, but I use the soup spoon." 02br
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00Q: How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup? A: Read the label. 02br
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00She's such a noisy eater that when she started on the soup, six people got up and started doing the polka. 02br
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00"How you make gold soup?" "With 22 carrots."02br
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00What do you call 2,000 pounds of Chinese Soup? Won Ton. 02br
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00A guy goes on a walking holiday in Ireland. One day, while out walking, he became hungry so he decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to eat. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the house. It kept running up to the visitor, jumping up on him excitedly and giving him a great deal of attention. "I've never seen a pig so friendly," said the man. "Ah," replied the woman, "he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using." 02br
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00Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a restaurant. The waitress asked Hillary for her order. She said, "I'll have the onion soup and the chicken dinner." The waitress said, "what would you like for your vegetable?" Hillary said, "He can order for himself." 0-