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Anonymous Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Sonnet - tell me if this is okay please.

We had to write a sonnet (with iambic pentameter- which I suck at) and I need someone to edit, mainly with the stressed and unstressed syllables in all the right order.

Each one is an adventure for your joy,

To travel the world and go unseen places.

These take you back to when you were a boy,

When our wild imagination embraces

The land around and makes a get-away.

It is like magic, the way it unfolds

and turning the hours, passing the day,

By keeping you absorbed, for days untold.

You can sail with pirates on the high seas,

Or solve a hard mystery of murder,

Maybe save a damsel from sorceries,

Or travel with a simple sheep herder.

These tales have been written for everyone;

more than a book, the learning just begun.
  

Top answer

Yes, your rhythm is off in many places. A sonnet doesn't have to be strictly iambic pentameter (or it would sound fake). But that rhythm should dominate.

  • Yes, your rhythm is off in many places.
  • A sonnet doesn't have to be strictly iambic pentameter (or it would sound fake).
  • But that rhythm should dominate.
  • I think we can sharpen the pattern (and the sense).
  • Remember, you want the pattern: unstresss STRESSED / unstressed STRESSED / unstressed STRESSED ...
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1 Answers
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Yes, your rhythm is off in many places. A sonnet doesn't have to be strictly iambic pentameter (or it would sound fake). But that rhythm should dominate. I think we can sharpen the pattern (and the sense). Remember, you want the pattern:
unstresss STRESSED / unstressed STRESSED / unstressed STRESSED ...
My suggested lines and my notes about them are in bold. These are

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