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HifaMo Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

somewhat complex sentence

Hi,

Is this sentence well written (regardless its idea)?

He painter portrays a disgusting image of a festering sore, conveying the idea that a dream is not a mere wish that we once dream of and forget about; it is instead like a wound, if not healed, it will affect the whole body.

Thanks.
  

Top answer

T he painter... a mere wish that we once dream of... not wrong, but I would say a mere wish that we dream of once and.....

— Blue Jay

  • T he painter...
  • a mere wish that we once dream of...
  • not wrong, but I would say a mere wish that we dream of once and.....
  • it is instead like a wound, if not healed, it will affect the whole body.
  • This sounds a bit awkward to me.
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3 Answers
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The painter...
...a mere wish that we once dream of... not wrong, but I would say a mere wish that we dream of once and.....
it is instead like a wound, if not healed, it will affect the whole body. This sounds a bit awkward to me. How about
it is instead like a wound which, if not healed, will affect the whole body.
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Blue Jayit is instead like a wound which, if not healed, will affect the whole body.
Since "which" was added, shouldn't we omit "will"?

" ... it is instead like a wound which, if not healed, affects the whole body.

Thanks.
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HifaMo" ... it is instead like a wound which, if not healed, affects the whole body.
That would work too.
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