some poems I wrote

No...

I could not accept her death
I denied it
And I said, ‘Heroes don’t die’
I kept silent
When they announced her death to me
I said nothing
I hid the tears that appeared in my eyes
I preferred to go for a walk on the seashore
They did not disturb me as I was looking at the sea
I watched the sun set and die in the sky on fire
And I wondered, shall a new sun appear tomorrow
And follow the same path on the sky?
Dawn rose and morning made its appearance
Lighting the way before me
And I wished to help the sun rise
And let a new beginning start
The new day was starting and nobody seemed to care
About the death of a human being anymore
Even better, for to me she is not dead
She still lives, in every sentence she’s written
To how many people are we not dead
While still physically living?
When they ignore, forget or don’t care about us
And about what we do?
In the morning I was tired of feeling any pain or sadness
I was tired after a restless night
But if she was brave enough to die
I should be strong enough to get over my feelings
And, after all,
Heroes don’t die -
They live in history...

Masks

Why do we feel the need
To wear masks
To hide ourselves
Behind masks
To act the part of
The person we feel
The others would appreciate
Or we think we should be?

Isn’t this a sure way
To lose our real selves
And to become confused
About our identity?
There will come a time
When we won’t be able
To fish for our real self
Drowned in a pool of ‘selves’
We have created
For the others to judge
Yet have we really escaped critiques from others?

Haven’t we lost our chance
For happiness
And our personal freedom?

So much pretending
And role playing
And we’re no longer
Honest with our own true selves
Which are lost and forgotten
Among so many masks and lies
And we may end up
With the lives we have not wanted

Waking Up...?

It seems at times I’ve just wakened from a sleep
And have dreamt till now
Living yet living not
Now waking up and starting on my day
With action and trying to find my own way

At times it seems I’m at least on the right path
I stretch and yawn, feeling I’m becoming
Aware of what’s around me

At times it feels like I’ve grown up
And the world seems so little to me

At other times it feels like I’m just a child
Lost in this big and confusing world
In spite of the years that have passed over me

I see the world around me from different perspectives
Depending on my mood
I fashion and refashion myself
I change and it’s for the best, I hope

At times it seems to me I’m still the same
That I’ve not changed and I’m not changing
Only the others and the world around me have changed
Only I have remained the same... and I’m left alone
As those who’ve changed are now hard to understand and gone...

Change

Sometimes I’m terrified of change
It feels as though the ground
Is being pulled over from under my feet
Like a carpet
And I’m stumbling off my feet
I try to cling on to the curtains
In the window
But I only manage to pull them off
And fall with them on the floor

Change makes me feel so confused
So many new things I know I have to experience
To rearrange my room and with it my life
Nothing is forever, I know
But all this change and this new confuses and tires me

So many dreams have fallen down, broken
Into pieces, which have scattered around
Like broken glasses with or without water in them...

I hold no illusions, I am not naive
But I feel I am entitled at least to have dreams
Even though I am aware of reality...

Journey

I am walking among
Incoherent fragments of thought
and
Pieces of past moments
I am stepping on regrets
And I never look back
I continue on my way ahead
With happenings I cannot accept
With parts of reality I still deny
With feelings I do not admit
To myself and to others

My dreams, I keep them to myself
Same goes for my thoughts

I have learnt to keep silent
To keep people’s judgement away from me

On my journey, I know I am alone
I do not complain
I do not regret it
I believe I can make it on my own

"It’s Over and She’s Gone..." I feel so far away from sadness and pain now It’s as though I have dreamt all those feelings I can cry no longer, I have turned into a block of ice Nothing can hurt me or move me now I can control all my feelings I feel peaceful and strong It happened because it had to It was not my fault And some things simply escape our control It was the natural course of life If I was witness to these events Maybe I’m left with a mission Maybe I can change something around me Little by little, day by day Maybe I should wonder If some day I’ll touch any other life If I’ll mean something to some other people If my work will inspire anyone And if it will keep a part of me still alive If my absence will sadden anyone I’m simply too tired to cry Too tired to feel any pain I’m resting from any feeling of sadness Because I know my pain is useless As it won’t bring her back... I’ll be tired out and she’ll still be gone... "Running..." I’m running Away from my past Away from some people I know Away from some parts of my life Away from some of my past deeds and words I’m running Through fields of gold Through the sea reaching the shore Through grass and flowers I’m running In the sunlight In the darkness of the night In the rain I’m running To hide myself Because I can’t wear a veil Because even so my eyes would betray my real thoughts Because the others would read what I feel in my eyes "Misty..." How can only one person Inspire me so many different Contradictory feelings? Now I see you in a good light Wishing to spend more time with you Missing you, feeling lonely in your absence But next you appear so dark to me So hard for me to understand Somewhat vulgar Contradicting yourself all the time Sometimes wishing to get away from you Sometimes hating and Sometimes fearing you Stepping backwards when you appear Surrounded by darkness Should I trust you? I am reserved as to that At times I feel guilty and silly About my precautions At other times I feel as though You’d be playing a crazy game with me Misty personality Which clouds my mind And sometimes my judgement And also my feelings

"Fighting Dragons" For fighting the fate I need to be brave Gathering courage for Hunting all The dragons of our time. In our dreams No dragons must appear, Go chase them out of our world. Dreaming of dragons Remembering good times As a legend that still shines Gather all your force to fight Or get the help of a brave knight. No one must ever destroy our dreams So keep on fighting the dragons.