Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support...

Question

It is a fact that more than 70% land in the world is used for human's requirements. While I agree that spaces to plant vegetables, build modern infrastructure cannot be missed, I also believe that people should save land for other animals.

To begin with, environment can be polluted intensely if more factories are built. Many industrial companies have dumped sewage and litters into the sea, rivers , soil, and even release toxic gases to the air which affects both our health and other animals. For example, formusa is a company producing iron and steel , was reflected to leave dirty chemical substance to the sea and that killed thousands of marine creature in 2017.
In addition, narrowing down the land for wildlife means that there will be less places for other species to live. They can suffer from various threats such as deforestation that is caused to cultivate vegetables, build house and factories. Recently, the Hanoi news has reported that the main reason causing the death of numerous animals in Vietnam each year is because human destroy their shelters.
In conclusion, it seems to me that would be wrong to restrict the land for wildlife and human should limit their doings to animals's shelter.-----I'm improving my english ability , hope someone can give me some advice.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support.. Include the complete instructions.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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AlpheccaStars · Answer

It is a fact that more than 70% land ( 1) in the world is used for human's ( 2 ) requirements. While I agree that spaces ( 3.) to plant vegetables, ( 4.) build modern infrastructure cannot be missed, (wrong word) I also believe that people should set aside / reserve / ~~save~~ land for other animals.

1. wrong expression. There is productive land and swampy land and agricultural land, but there is no such thing as 70% land. More than 70% of the land on earth is required to support the population..

2. A human is one person. Adding -'s means possession. So you are saying that one person has a requirement for all that land.

3. The plural is used for parking lots. One space for each car. You need the singular , non-count form.

4. wrong punctuation.

To begin with, the environment can be polluted ~~intensely~~ (wrong word) if more factories are built. Many industrial companies have dumped sewage and litters ( 1) into the sea, rivers , ( 2) soil, ( 3) and even release ( 4) toxic gases to the air which affects both our health and other animals. For example, formusa ( 5) is a company producing iron and steel , was (6) reflected (wrong word) to leave (wrong word) dirty chemical substance (wrong form) to the sea and that killed thousands of marine creature (wrong form) in 2017. ( 7)

1. Litter is non-count. Litter is small pieces of plastic and paper that people throw onto the ground from their cars or while walking. It is not used for industrial pollutants.

2. spacing error. Do not put a space before a comma. Also the comma is wrong punctuation. You made the same error as ( 4) above.

3. We do not dump into the soil. "Into " is incorrect because soil does not have an inside.
4. The verb form does not agree with the previous verb.

5. Proper names need to be capitalized.

6. There is no subject for this verb. Also a second spacing error and wrong punctuation. The sentence is poor English.

7. This entire paragraph does not address the essay topic. It is not about pollution. It is about saving large tracts of land for natural habitats and preserves for endangered wild animal species. You will lose a lot of points on "task completion" for going off topic.

In addition, narrowing down (wrong word) the land for wildlife means that there will be less ( 1) places for other species to live. (2) They can suffer from various threats such as deforestation that is caused to cultivate vegetables, ( 3) build house (wrong form) and factories. Recently, the Hanoi news has reported that the main reason causing ( 4. wrong word) the death of numerous animals in Vietnam each year is ~~because~~ human ( 5) destroy (6) their shelters.

1. Less is for non-count nouns. Place is a count noun. You need " fewer."
2. I do not understand - wildlife and species are pretty much the same thing.

3. That is the same punctuation error that you did twice before. You make this error a lot! Do not use a comma in place of a conjunction. Here are corrected versions:

Many industrial companies have dumped sewage and waste into the sea and rivers and onto the land. They release toxic gases into the air which affects the health of people and animals.

For example, in 2017, Formusa, a company producing iron and steel, was convicted of dumping toxic chemical substances into the sea, killing thousands of marine creatures.

They can suffer from various threats such as deforestation, in which trees are cleared to create land for growing crops and building houses and factories.

4. Reasons do not cause problems or bad things.

5. Is one person is doing all the damage?

6. The sentence is not grammatical. This is a grammatical version:

Recently, the Hanoi News reported that the main reason for the death of numerous animals in Vietnam each year is humans destroying their habitat.

In conclusion, it seems to me that it would be wrong to restrict the land for wildlife and human (One person, again) should limit their doings to animals's shelter. (This one person should be living in some animal's nest?) ( 1)

1. You contradicted yourself. In the first paragraph you stated that people should save land for animals. In the conclusion, you wrote the opposite - that it is wrong to save land for animals.
It will cost you many points when you start out saying one thing, and give the opposite conclusion. Your essay thesis must be consistent in the entire essay.

-----I'm improving my english ability , hope someone can give me some advice.

You made the same mistake again!

I'm improving my English skills and (conjunction) I hope someone can give me some advice.
I'm improving my English skills. (full stop) I hope someone can give me some advice.
I'm improving my English skills; (semicolon) I hope someone can give me some advice.

Do not use a comma in place of a conjunction. You make comma splice errors again and again. Study this page very carefully. Do not carelessly throw commas around like rice. Use semicolons very sparingly.

https://www.chompchomp.com/terms/commasplice.htm

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support...

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