Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree?

Question

it would be think by some that government is accountable for childhood ought to responsible for obesity of children, i also believed that their parents ought to accountable for this.

On the one hand, the government is responsible for fat of kid. this is because authority still is allowing fastfood chain restaurants to maintain their store all over the cities to take tax from these kinds of food suppliers. The number of schools is proving unhealthy food for student. These foods can cause kids to gain weight quickly as they are very high in fat and sugars but low in vitamins and minerals.So the authority had to ban junk drink in schools, limit the number of fast food shop and unhealthy food advertisement should br limited.

On the other hand, the increase of obesity childhood is due to passive lifestyle of kid and parental indifference. Nowadays, children is like to eat fastfood and they tend to watch TV, browse the internet or play computer games instead of playing outside and do sports. As a consequence, they are becoming increasingly obese. Therefore, parents have to control what their children eat to make sure that they have a healthy diet. Parents should also educate them about detrimental of fastfood. And encourage them take part in playground, outside activities.

In conclusion, i would be argue that the government and parents have to more responsible about increase weight of childhood.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

You need to study these rules of English.

1) Every sentence begins with a capital letter. You have to use the "Shift" key on the keyboard.

2) "i" is a letter. "i" is not a human being. You must learn to use the "Shift" key on the keyboard. Otherwise, you will get a very poor score.

Also, you wrote less than 240 words. The minimum is 250. You will lose points if you do not write enough.

You need to practice writing grammatical sentences. Many of yours have incorrect verb forms.

it would be think by some that government is accountable for childhood ought to responsible for obesity of children, i also believed that their parents ought to accountable for this.

This sentence has so many mistakes.

1. The first letter must be capital. It

2. "would be" is not appropriate. You need the present tense of "be"

3. "think" is the wrong verb form. You need the past participle in a passive voice verb.

4. "for" is a preposition. You cannot put a main clause as the object of a preposition. "Childhood" is incorrect.

5. "ought to " The verb form is incorrect. You need the verb after "to".

6. The comma after "children" is a comma splice error.

Read this page: https://chompchomp.com/terms/commasplice.htm

7. "i" see above. "i" is not any person.

8. "believed" is the wrong form. You need present tense, not past tense.

9. "ought to" has the same error as in #5.

Here is the corrected sentence:

It is thought by some that the government is responsible for the health of children and ought to be  accountable for childhood obesity. I also believe that their parents ought to be accountable for this.

But that is not a good opening paragraph. First, you did not answer the essay prompt.

Do you agree or disagree?

You have to answer the question: "I agree." or "I disagree."

Next, you did not accurately paraphrase the task. It is about increasing obesity.

Here is a good opening paragraph:

Children are less healthy nowadays because of the increasing percentage of those who are overweight of obese. Some say that the government is accountable for this situation and should do something about it. I disagree since the parents are in control of their children and have to guide them to a healthy lifestyle.

I have given you a lot of feedback on the first paragraph. The rest of your writing has a lot of errors. Please read my feedback, revise your essay and repost it.

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree?

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