Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenage should focus on the subject that they are best at or that they find the most interest.

Question

There are different opinions on the subjects which need students' concentration. One section of society asserts that all school subjects need focus whereas other people think that students should pay attention to the one they are best at. This essay intends to discuss why people have different prespective on aforementioned School of thoughts.

The predominant reason behind the benefits of learning all school subjects is wider career path. When teenagers pay attention to each and every subject, their cognitive skills develop more. Even, they have various career options. For instance, if a student is studying physical education as well as mathematics, in near future he or she can opt other DPE or Msc. Consequently, students need to focus on all subjects equally for better future scope.

While concentrating on all school subjects have some benefits, but specialisation in one subject lacks behind. There are many students who are proficient in some subjects only, in order to get good score, they try to balance their performance in other subjects. As a result, there grades in the best subject also decreases. If a teenager focuses on the subject which he or she find interesting, it is obvious that in futur jobs will be given to him/her on the basis of their performance.

To conclude succinctly, learning all subjects enhance knowledge whereas focusing on one make a person proficienct. I believe that if a person wants wider scope, one should pay attention towards all subjects.

Note:- Please check my IELTS essay. I will be thankful to you.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

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Topic:

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenage should focus on the subject that they are best at or that they find the most interest.

Copy the instructions completely and accurately. The text above has mistakes and is not complete.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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AlpheccaStars · Answer

There are different opinions on the subjects which need students' concentration. (It is not a good opening sentence. The examiner is looking for evidence that you have understood the task. I do not understand what you wrote. )

One section of society asserts that all school subjects need focus whereas other people (This is awkward because it lacks parallelism. ) think that students should pay attention to the one they are best at. ~~This essay intends to discuss~~ (1) why people have different prespective (wrong word and wrong spelling) on aforementioned (This word is antiquated, and extremely old fashioned. Contemporary Americans do not use it. It sounds like something from the previous century. Please remove "aforesaid" "aforementioned" and even "mentioned" from your word list. Use demonstrative adjectives. That is their purpose. ) School of thoughts. (That does not make sense. A school of thought is a system of philosophy, such as Aristotle, Hume, or Whitehead. It is not one opinion.)

1. The examiner knows you are writing an essay. They know the topic and the task. Do not tell the examiner "I am writing an essay about X" or "This essay is about X" . This is uninformative at best.

Instead, write the answer to the essay prompt. That is your thesis statement, and the main point of your essay. It also provides cohesion and coherence, because you will develop the idea in the body paragraphs, and reinforce it in the conclusion.

However, you did not post the prompt, so I cannot advise you on a thesis statement right now.

Here is an example opening:

The purpose of secondary schools is to provide a good education for teenagers. However there are two possible approaches. First, the student can gain a broad knowledge of a variety of subjects such as art, history, literature, math and the sciences. The alternative is for the student to focus on one discipline and graduate with a very deep knowledge of that one subject. Although both approaches have their justifications, I strongly believe that the best approach is the first since when a student goes on to university, they can specialize in the area of their choice there.

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenage should focus on the subject that they are best at or that they find the most interest.

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