Shyness essay - Please help me fix it

This is my teacher's requirements:

- Write 300-350 words.

- Understandable vocabulary, clear ideas.

- The essay must have 8 paragraphs

1. Introduction: Shyness is caused by biological factors and environmental factors
2. First cause: Genetics (biological)
3. Transition paragraph (environmental)
4. Second cause: Family life
5. Third cause: Culture
6. Fourth cause: Technology
7. Effects (positive)
8. Conclusion

- Each paragraph must have:

• 1 Topic sentence
• 2 Supporting ideas
• 1 Concluding sentence

Here is my writing:

What do you know about shyness? It is a psychological state that causes a person to feel discomfort in social situations. Their symptoms often are speechless, breathless, or even shaky. To resolve this problem, social scientists have made studies to find the causes of shyness. They have found that shyness can result from both biological and environmental factors.

Genetics is a biological factor that forms shyness. This means some infants are born shy. Shy parents and grandparents are more likely to have shy children. Therefore, genetics is a cause of shyness.

However, shy temperament in genetics may loose through life experiences. On the other hand, most shy people develop shyness because of environmental factors.

The first environmental cause of shyness is family life. Overprotective parents are associated with shy behavior in children. With the fear of danger, those parents don’t allow their children to experience new things, leading them to feel shy when facing unfamiliar situations, such as meeting new friends or traveling far. So, family life is an environmental factor that develops shyness.

The second environmental cause of shyness is culture. In fact, there is a higher level of shyness among people in Asia than in Europe. Asians who are afraid of judgment feel unconfident in expressing personal opinions or speaking in public; in contrast, Europeans don't be the same. Therefore, there is an association of culture with shyness.

The third environmental cause of shyness is technology. Technology keeps people busy in the virtual world, and there is little time for them to have real interaction and nurture their relationships. Because of poor social interaction, they become socially isolated and feel shy among the crowd. In short, technology is another environmental cause of shyness.

Nevertheless, it is helpful to consider the advantage of being shy. Shy individuals could be the best conversationalists due to the fact that they're so in-tune with what each person in the group is saying. They talk less, listen carefully, and make others feel valued. Therefore, while shyness has some negative aspects, it also affects positively.

In conclusion, although shyness is caused by biological factors and environmental factors, there are not without workable approaches to tackle it. By learning social skills and applying relaxation techniques, shy people can make the problem to a manageable level.

Thank you so much!