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Sailsofoblivion Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Show instead of tell?

I was advised to alter the phrase in bold to show what is happening instead of just describing it, but I am totally at a loss.

She is overwhelmed by passion and desire:
In his ink-stained arms, she is free from woe.

Does anyone have any ideas about what I could say to show that she feels safe and secure in his arms?

Thanks in advance,

Emma
  

Top answer

sailsofoblivion Does anyone have any ideas about what I could say to show that she feels safe and secure in his arms? What's wrong with "she feels safe and secure"?

  • sailsofoblivion Does anyone have any ideas about what I could say to show that she feels safe and secure in his arms?
  • What's wrong with "she feels safe and secure"?
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3 Answers
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sailsofoblivionDoes anyone have any ideas about what I could say to show that she feels safe and secure in his arms?
What's wrong with "she feels safe and secure"?
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Messy, careless guy to get ink on his arms. We usually just get it on our hands.

Clive
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The first sentence is fine. The second sentence does not match the first. The phrase "ink-stained arms" is very unusual -even if he is, say, a printer by trade (and if you mean he has tattooed arms, this is an awkward way to say it; best not to even mention this) - and distracts from what you're trying to say here. And "she is free from woe" is not strong enough for the situation - most people

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