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Mosja Posted 7 years ago
Grammar

Should I add anything to my descriptive writing?

The halo-white mountains reared into the sky, grumbling and
growing, a wave of white surged down the mountain side. The
nirvana quiet mountains had knotted peaks. A brooch of snow
draped the heaven-touching mountain. The cunning breeze fumbled
at the mountain's shoulder with its filmy tentacles.

Level: GCSE

  

Top answer

I think that in this text you are trying much too hard. You have too many adjectives, too many images. To my ear, it sounds a bit silly!

— Clive

  • I think that in this text you are trying much too hard.
  • You have too many adjectives, too many images.
  • To my ear, it sounds a bit silly!
  • Clive
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1 Answers
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I think that in this text you are trying much too hard. You have too many adjectives, too many images.

To my ear, it sounds a bit silly!

Clive

0

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