0
Lission Posted 17 years ago
Grammar
Short story to be edited
Hi everybody
Please correct the following short story for me.
Thanks.
One day, Nicole, a little girl, was walking home and eating an ice-cream cone at the same time. She did not notice a banana skin on the ground. She stepped on it and fell down heavily. Her knee was wounded.
She cried, “Help! Help! My knee is bleeding. Someone help me, please.” But nobody was around!.
About three minutes later, she could hardly get up. She was very sad. A short while later, with much difficulty, she forced herself to get up and trudged home. When she opened the door, her mother was upset when she saw that she was injured. She quickly washed the wound and took her to the clinic in a taxi. The doctor cleansed the wound, gave her an injection, prescribed some medicine, and gave her two days of medical leave.
After her mother had paid the bill to the clinic assistant, collected the medicine and the medical certificate, they took a taxi home.
Please correct the following short story for me.
Thanks.
One day, Nicole, a little girl, was walking home and eating an ice-cream cone at the same time. She did not notice a banana skin on the ground. She stepped on it and fell down heavily. Her knee was wounded.
She cried, “Help! Help! My knee is bleeding. Someone help me, please.” But nobody was around!.
About three minutes later, she could hardly get up. She was very sad. A short while later, with much difficulty, she forced herself to get up and trudged home. When she opened the door, her mother was upset when she saw that she was injured. She quickly washed the wound and took her to the clinic in a taxi. The doctor cleansed the wound, gave her an injection, prescribed some medicine, and gave her two days of medical leave.
After her mother had paid the bill to the clinic assistant, collected the medicine and the medical certificate, they took a taxi home.
Top answer
It seems fine to me, but I'd change some words. One day, Nicole, a little girl, was walking home and eating an ice-cream cone at the same time. She did not notice a banana "PEEL" on the ground.
- It seems fine to me, but I'd change some words.
- One day, Nicole, a little girl, was walking home and eating an ice-cream cone at the same time.
- She did not notice a banana "PEEL" on the ground.
- She stepped on it and fell down SO HARD.
- Her knee was wounded.
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
6 Answers
0
It seems fine to me, but I'd change some words.
One day, Nicole, a little girl, was walking home and eating an ice-cream cone at the same time. She did not notice a banana "PEEL" on the ground. She stepped on it and fell down SO HARD. Her knee was wounded.
She cried OUT and SHOUTED: “Help! Help! My knee is bleeding. ANYBODY there! help me, please.” But nobody was around!.
One day, Nicole, a little girl, was walking home and eating an ice-cream cone at the same time. She did not notice a banana "PEEL" on the ground. She stepped on it and fell down SO HARD. Her knee was wounded.
She cried OUT and SHOUTED: “Help! Help! My knee is bleeding. ANYBODY there! help me, please.” But nobody was around!.
00
Thanks, Chile.
As long as no native speaker disagrees with your corrections, I think you are on the right track.
As long as no native speaker disagrees with your corrections, I think you are on the right track.
00
This is my revised version to improve the fluency:
One day, Nicole, a little girl, was walking home [while] eating an ice-cream cone at the same time. She did not notice a banana [peel] on the ground and stepped on it. As a result, she fell terribly and injured her knee.
She cried out loudly. “Help! Help! My knee is bleeding. Someone help me, please.” But nobody was around!.
One day, Nicole, a little girl, was walking home [while] eating an ice-cream cone at the same time. She did not notice a banana [peel] on the ground and stepped on it. As a result, she fell terribly and injured her knee.
She cried out loudly. “Help! Help! My knee is bleeding. Someone help me, please.” But nobody was around!.
00
Thanks, Goodman
After Nicole’s mother paid for the medical treatment and picked up the medicine from the pharmacy, they went home on a taxi..
Regarding the above
After Nicole’s mother paid for the medical treatment and picked up the medicine from the pharmacy, they went home on a taxi..
Regarding the above
00
Thanks, Goodman.
Regarding the last sentence 'After Nicole’s mother paid for the medical treatment and picked up the medicine from the pharmacy, they went home on a taxi.' Is it the same as 'on the bus'? I often hear people say 'in a taxi'. So they are wrong.
I appreciate yo
Regarding the last sentence 'After Nicole’s mother paid for the medical treatment and picked up the medicine from the pharmacy, they went home on a taxi.' Is it the same as 'on the bus'? I often hear people say 'in a taxi'. So they are wrong.
I appreciate yo
00
Related Questions